The Twins recap Married at First Sight: The vows that go horribly, horribly wrong.

April 13, 2021

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Somehow, we have three more couples to renew their vows and we don't mean to be rude but WHAT ARE MELISSA AND BRYCE DOING AND IS THAT AIRING TONIGHT Y/N.

A voiceover tells us that in just a few days the remaining couples will be making the most important decision of their lives, and we... fundamentally disagree.

Like you could break up literally the day after the Commitment Ceremony if you wanted? Or get back together? There are no rules? Especially in the context of a fake marriage?

Clare and Jessie Stephens

April 13, 2021

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The Spill

Over in Jake and Beck's apartment, Jake is remembering the time his wife said she doesn't see them together in three months, and also that she believes he likes her more than she likes him.

"Maybe I'm in a fantasy world," Jake ponders. And Sir. You are absolutely in a fantasy world.

Meanwhile, Beck doesn't want to want to waste anyone's time, "especially" her own and both of you have wasted so much time we cannot even begin to quantify it.

As they hug goodbye, Beck is physically recoiling from Jake and dear God this is not a strong foundation for a marriage.

'So many mixed messages.'

Georgia has been sleeping in a separate room to her husband Liam ever since he announced, in front of the nation, that he expects his whole family will hate her.

He comes to see her and she's clearly looking for an apology, but instead he simply insists I CAN'T LIE.

It's at this point we need to acknowledge something.

Is Liam the understudy for Bryce on this show? We think... yes.

As she cries and is clearly looking for reassurance that maybe his friends and family will like her and she's not too much, generally, as a human being, Liam says this all seems like an issue on her end.

He's a wise dude.

Then, of course, there's darling Belinda and Patrick, who are packing up their marital home AKA city apartment AKA Channel 9 hotel room. And yes Belinda is yelling.

She can't believe how much she's connected with Patrick, and he says it feels like 'fate' that they were matched but when three experts match you on the television using fake science we're pretty sure that's the precise opposite of fate.

At home in the country, Liam is speaking to his friend Cat about how he's struggled with Georgia's glamorous side. Unsurprisingly, she's horrified.

She explains that MAYBE THE WOMAN WANTED TO LOOK GLAMOROUS BECAUSE SHE'S ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, LIAM. YOU MORON.

Just look at her face? Sir?

So true.

Cat tells Liam he a) doesn't understand women and b) struggles with his delivery to... people, and they both seem like kind ways of saying he's a low-key Bryce 2.0???

He comes to the conclusion that he's definitely been shallow and that Georgia makes him feel safe - something he's never felt in a relationship.

But you know who doesn't feel safe in the relationship, Liam? Georgia.

And she's about to have coffee with her mum, Jill, who we would like to elect as Prime Minister. Immediately.

Georgia tells her mum that she's felt judgment from Liam, particularly when he judged her. Publicly. And repeatedly.

Jill says she's never seen Georgia like this, and that it's her life partner's job to support her and lift her up.

Y??

"Do you understand that that is demeaning?" Jill says of Liam's behaviour and YES JILL.

"I have never known you to be inadequate or insecure," she says, telling Georgia that at the very least she needs to "call out unacceptable behaviour".

"He's been systematically eating away at your self-confidence and self-esteem," she explains. "If you don't set boundaries now, it's only going to get worse."

Okay. So Georgia's mum needs to get a coffee with Melissa. Like, weeks ago.

"She has things she'd like to say."

SHHH SHUT UP it is time for Beck and Jake's final vows.

Look. We all believe wholeheartedly that Jake is about to get his heart broken on the television. So he goes first, obviously. For maximum humiliation.

Jake says at their wedding, he was taken aback by Beck's presence (meanness), and he thought she was too good to be true, then realised quickly that was definitely the case.

He describes her as "rude, condescending and cold," and says he "didn't feel wanted or even liked".

BUT.

No mate. No 'but'.

The "crazy" thing is, he says, he's still attracted to her.

Okay. We need to talk about the difference between finding someone pretty and finding someone compatible, life-wise. But we have neither the space nor the energy to do that here.

Jake ultimately tells Beck there's a part of him that's in love with her and WHY.

But quiet now, it's time for Beck to break a man.

She tells Jake she feels like he's seen the real her, which is disturbing given that he just called her condescending but play on.

It's tru.

She then s**ts on Jake for objectifying her on their wedding day, and criticises his "sensitivity to my forward thinking and banter".

Beck then praises a few small things about Jake's personality, before changing tack.

"HOWEVER, JAKE."

She says this is the hardest decision she's ever had to make, and just as we think she's about to rip out his heart and spit on it, she... says she's 100 per cent in?

What?

This isn't fun for any of us.

Jake tries to kiss her and she still recoils.

We honestly cannot but WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME.

Because it's time for Georgia and Liam and finally can we have some goddamn gossip.

Liam goes first because of course he does, and says Georgia is the most beautiful woman he's ever met. Which is curious. Given that he ranked her second. Out of the remaining MAFS contestants. Like three weeks ago.

'Technically. I find her more attractive.'

He ultimately says this decision is the easiest of his life because she's his better half, and he loves her.

At this point, if someone doesn't dump someone we're going to be so mad.

It's Georgia's turn, and she says that while Liam has been her best friend, he turned on her at the dinner party.

"You humiliated me, and you denigrated me in front of everyone," she reads. "You chose to abandon me when I needed you most. I've never felt so small, inadequate and confused."

She tells Liam that the next day she was met with hostility, and that he gaslighted her and manipulated the blame. "I will not accept that behaviour now or ever," she says.

DO U HEAR.

BUT.

She's giving him another chance.

"I forgive you."

But hold up just a second.

Because Liam does not seem... okay.

In fact, he seems rather... furious.

"I love you but hearing those vows, you don't know me," he tells Georgia. "You don't know me at all."

What.

He says he's never seen this side of her and he's "not going to cop that when that right there is an outright lie".

SIR.

Liam says he won't have a partner who doesn't know him. So he decides to call it quits.

Holy. Hell.

They're both sobbing and imagine literally dumping someone because they called you out on being a d*ck.

It's time for the FINAL set of final vows and we don't mean to be rude Belinda and Patrick but we just witnessed a murder and we have most definitely not recovered.

Like I'm sorry but toxic masculinity just happened on the television and we're not that interested in two nice, normal people saying they love each other? But... FINE.

U NEED TO TURN ON UR TV IMMEDIATELY.