The Twins recap Married at First Sight: Ivan. Is. HEARTBROKEN. 

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Oh.

We need to talk about the fact that Evarn thinks he’s rich when he doesn’t even have a home cinema.

While the other couples in the experiment have travelled all around Australia to visit the grooms’ hometowns, Evarn lives an ‘affluent lifestyle’ right here in Sydney and the narrator cannot stop trolling him.

He has luxuries that some of us can only dream of, such as a metal chair next to his bed but also bin chickens across the road but that’s not all there is obviously more. 

Evarn decides that given Aleks is his very special guest, he shall organise a surprise. He tells her to get ready because he has something big in store, so Aleks does what any woman would do. She puts on her going out eyeshadow.

Finally, he blindfolds Aleks and takes her to a secret location.

But it... it's his balcony. And there's a plate of what our mother would call nibbles. 

Aleks is obviously pissed off because she put on her good fckn eyeshadow for a meat platter which is a modern day tragedy.

If you listen really closely, you can hear Aleks mutter, "I put highlighter on for some salami," and that's honestly so sad we can't even be here anymore.

Speaking of sad, Mishel has lost her voice. We believe it is a combined result of a) popping a tonsil yelling at the dinner party a few nights ago and b) contracting the rare MAFS virus that's now infected almost every contestant.

Mishel whispers to Steve, asking if he could please not tell his friends at lunch about how he finds her physically unattractive and WHAT do you guys NOT UNDERSTAND about SELF QUARANTINE. It is critical to the containment effort that Mishel does not go to lunch with four of your friends do you understand. 

But alas, Mishel and her broken voice show up with a bottle of wine.

Steve accidentally forgets about the promise he made 45 minutes ago and decides that it's best he tell all his friends about the time he told Mishel he wasn't attracted to her, physically, while she was wearing her swimmers, and then she got all hurt about it like a baby. 

Mishel is understandably trying to yell but can't because the virus lives in her throat now. Everyone keeps speaking over the top of her about how it's actually KIND to tell people that you don't like how they look and can someone PLEASE take this woman to a doctor her symptoms are worsening and we have an outbreak.

Eventually, with Steve’s friends assuring her that she must be misunderstanding her own feelings, Mishel decides to leave. Steve, however, doesn’t get why she’s pissed off and YOU SIR are perhaps the STRANGEST and most INCONSISTENT human on this programme.

Over at Drew’s homestay, KC has decided it would be a fun idea to dispose of some of his sentimental belongings while he’s not around.

Upon his return, KC explains that all his sh*t is in the bin because she reckons it's weird and for some reason, Drew gets... upset about it.

He tells KC that she doesn't know what certain items mean to him. For example, all the teddy bears she hates so much belong to his wife and kids so if she could just have some respect for his primary family that would be great.

Over at Jonethen's house, his housemate is home and ready to hear a bunch of details about a relationship he is not even moderately interested in.

Both Jonethen and Connie corner him and list off every disagreement they've ever had/how they've kissed but not had penetrative sex/sometimes don't get each other's jokes and he's like why are you telling me any of this I just wanted to come home and watch some TV ffs??

He eventually remarks, "I don't think it's working too well... if it's been three months..." and then suggests that Jonethen break up with this random chick that appears to be living with them now and isn't even paying rent?

Over on Lizzie's homestay, she's about to meet Seb's friend Anastasia.

Anastasia thinks that maybe Lizzie is back on the show for the Instagram followers and... yeah. Like... why else. Would she be... back.

At brunch, Anastasia asks why Lizzie would go back on a show that was a "disaster" the first time and Lizzie is all like, "you can't just call my fake husband faking a funeral a disaster you don't even know me??"

In the end, Anastasia decides that she doesn't actually care that much and Seb misinterprets that to mean that her friends accept Lizzie.

Cool.

Back in Sydney, Evarn has another surprise for Aleks and no sweetie she doesn’t want it.

He’s decided to take her to work with him for the day, and says his marketplace "is different to Aleks’ in Perth - I’m selling five million dollar waterfronts" and Sir you have a random metal chair next to your bed and literally no one knows why.

Aleks is annoyed because she feels like she’s back at work, mostly because she is, except it’s worse because she’s Evarn’s assistant for what appears to be a fake open house.

The following morning, Aleks wakes up anxious, probably because she slept for 14 hours and it’s 3pm.

She hands Evarn what appears to be an orange cordial and explains, "There are aspects of our relationship that we do lack and miss," and no poor Evarn he really liked having a real estate assistant he didn't have to pay. 

Listen to our Married at First Sight recap podcast, where we say all the things we're not allowed to put in writing. Post continues below. 

Aleks continues that she's not sure if this relationship is right for her and Evarn's like... but I showed you that waterfront property that I don't own? I even let you put the real estate sign up?? And the meat platter? Did you forget about the tray of cold meats???

He then goes and sits on a swing alone with his neighbourhood bin chickens and honestly it's all too much.

Over in Newcastle, Jonethen has rounded up more friends, so he can point to Connie and ask "eh?"

"Youse happy together or what?" a reluctant friend asks, and they both stumble over their words to basically say, "idk not really, but also not... not. But sometimes it's not so bad. You know?" and, no. No one... knows.

Jonethen's friends decide that he is vastly overestimating how much they care about him/his fake marriage so give him their... blessing.

Later at the beach, Connie decides now might be a good time to bring up the fact that actually she'd be quite happy to have sexual intercourse if that's something Jonethen might like and why does everything have to be so hard. 

"I'd be into it!" she says, before Jonethen excuses himself to go talk to the camera behind the bushes for a moment.

He says that he regrets the time he said he had any hope in this relationship. Mostly because his roommate Tyler is really mad he moved his fake wife into their rental without any discussion and she can't keep eating all their food if she doesn't contribute to groceries.

Connie carelessly finishes her beer on the beach and we just know she grabbed it from the fridge. And it was Tyler's last one.

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

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Catch up on all the recaps:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 22: 'You're the unhealthiest person I know.'

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 21: The experts were just called out. Publicly.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 20: A very dramatic dinner party storm out.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 19: "I'm not attracted to you. Physically."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 18: Lizzie is back. And we have... concerns.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 17: Um. A couple was just forcibly removed from the experiment. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 16: That's the most messed up thing we've ever seen on TV.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 15: IT'S A GODDAMN CHEATIN' SCANDAL.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 14: The fight that ruined David and Hayley.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 13: "I want to apologise to the gay community."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 12: The penis that broke a marriage.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 11: Hayley and David are having 'unconventional sex'.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 10: The wrong bride just quit her marriage.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 9: We need to talk about consent.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 8: A dinner party turns... violent. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 7: When sex is a very bad idea.