'I tested every sex toy in the MAFS Intimacy Box. Here's my honest review.'

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight recaps and gossip, check out the MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.

Intimacy Week on Married At First Sight 2023 kicked off with a very big box of sex toys delivered to each and every couple.

Throughout the week, brides and grooms participated in sexually charged activities all done with the intention of giving them a deeper connection in the bedroom. 

Watch: How are women having sex? The juiciest results from the Mamamia Sex Survey. Post continues after video. 

And while the drama was entertaining as heck, viewers at home were obsessing over the huge box of sex toys given to them by Wild Secrets.

...As was I. So I called up the brand and asked for a giant box for myself.

What followed was a roadtest of the MAFS intimacy box precisely no one asked for, but I hope you all enjoy. 

Glow 13.8" Deluxe Vibrating Wand Massager, $111.99.

Image: Supplied.

This mighty pleasure wand reminds me of a microphone because of the way it makes me sing. 

It's a rather large silicone toy made completely out of silicone and it is, in short, fantastic. 

I thought it would be just too large for me – and believe me when I say it is MASSIVE – but it kind of felt like I was driving a gear shift. I felt in control. I felt powerful. I felt like my orgasm was mine to give and take. 

The only frustrating thing about the vibrating wand is that it has 20 pattern functions and eight-speed options. Whilst that should be really enticing, I spend a really long time searching for my setting and it is annoying.

Overall, it's really easy to use, quite straightforward and waterproof (just in case you were wondering).

Rating: 9/10.

Envy 5" Clitoral Vibrator with Air Pulse Suction, $76.99.

Image: Supplied.

This sturdy little clitoral vibrator may just be the gift that keeps on giving. 

It has Air Pulse Technology and is made to literally take people's breath away – and boy does it. 

As someone who would prefer to die with their clitoral vibrator in hand (I'm mostly kidding, guys), I will say this little buddy will likely give your personal favourite sex toy a run for their money. 

It's good. Real good.

Rating: 9/10.

Thrill Vibrating Couple's Ring, $55.99.

Image: Supplied.

I'm not much of a cock ring person. The last one I owned, I hadn't gotten a chance to use because my friend decided to take it and wear it as a ring to parties (it was for small penises). 

I would (un)happily give this one away to a pal as well, because it's cute and looks really sleek. 

It's not uncomfortable to put on and feels good on the penis. It's approved by me – and by many of the grooms on Married At First Sight, I'm sure.

Rating: 7/10.

Kiss 3.2" Bullet Vibrator, $55.99.

Image: Supplied.

We love a humble bullet vibrator. They're quiet, and powerful and come with an orgasm guarantee. 

They're incredibly underrated toys in general and while they're great for beginners – they're also just perfect for anyone who wants to climax... every time. 

Rating: 8/10.

Enchant 8" Rabbit Vibrator with Clitoral Suction, $111.99.

Image: Supplied.

Ahhh... How I wanted to love this. So so badly. Unfortunately, the rabbit vibrator with a clitoral suction just did not live up to my expectations. 

Don't get me wrong, the vibration patterns and setting feel incredible. But it only felt amazing either in the vagina or on the clitoris. It wasn't flexible enough to tick both boxes which upset me deeply. 

I would give it a big fat ZERO but I know for a fact this would be an incredible toy for someone with a vagina that doesn't look like... mine.

Rating: 4/10.

Cadenza 7.2" Wartenberg Wheel, $30.99.

Image: Supplied.

This is the most fun I've ever had with a sex toy... in my life. 

I didn't use this cadenza ✨ sexually ✨ but I did roll it down the surface of any skin that came into contact with me whilst I was with my friends. It was only slightly creepy, I swear. 

If you want to use this in a way to excite yourself or your partner, gently run it across your skin and focus on heightening the awareness of every part of your – or their – body. 

It's not bad, just not my thing in an intimate setting. I have quite sensitive skin and a low pain tolerance.

Rating: 6/10.

Forte Vegan Leather Wrist & Ankle Cuffs, $23.99.

Image: Supplied.

I'm going to be honest with you all... I haven't used these. I don't plan to. My housemate has been eyeing them off since the second I got them and I might just give in, TBH. 

All the power to those who love to be restrained – you'll probably like the same brand I got. The cuffs are sturdy and feel like they're going to really make someone squirm. Just not me, sorry. 

Rating: N/A.

Tempo 12.7" Vegan Leather Paddle, $12.99 and Senza Vegan Leather Blindfold, $13.99.

Image: Supplied.

I tried to have a map with this blindfold but it is made specifically for intimacy... which I was not having with anybody the night I got either the vegan leather blindfold or the paddle – but I will be keeping both of them! 

Because it's fun to imagine that I might use them one day. Plus, the quality is just super impressive.

Rating: 7/10.

Adagio Under-Mattress Bed Restraints, $48.99.

Image: Supplied.

Sorry, guys. It's just not for me. The idea of being tied down sends me into a panic. 

Rating: N/A.

Lube... So much lube.

• Water-based Lubricant, $16.99.
• Chocolate Water-based Flavoured Lubricant, $9.99.
• Sensual Arousal Gel, $19.99. 
• Misting Toy Cleaner, $11.99.

Image: Supplied.

What else is there to say except... there's a mixed bag here. 

Included is a special toy cleaner (it works really well), an arousal gel (it just feels cold... that's all), a chocolate-flavoured lubricant (it tastes so fake) and a water-based lubricant (perfect for silicone toys).

Listen, I don't particularly care about any of these products (except for the toy cleaner – that's excellent!) but I'm glad I have them. 

You never know when you're in a sticky situation that needs some chocolate-flavoured syrup (read: LUBE) to fix things. 

Rating: 8/10.

Feature Image: Supplied.