The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 10: This cheating scandal feels especially... mean. 

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Before we begin, we have a question and, yes, it’s about Ning. 

WHEN did she decide not to murder Mark and why didn’t we get to see it?

It’s a crucial plot development that’s been entirely overlooked and we don’t appreciate it.

Tonight, the contestants are moving in with each other except for Ines and Bronson, who are strictly not allowed for reasons that are largely self-evident.

Listen to The Twins recap this week of Married at First Sight on MAFS Chat. Post continues after audio…

When she steps foot in her apartment, yelling Mel spots a photo from her wedding on the bedside table and shouts, “OH MY NO I LOOK FAT GET IT AWAY FROM ME,” which is our reaction to every photo we’ve ever been tagged in on Facebook so we like it very much.

Over in Ex-Virgin Matt’s apartment, he is trying to get his head around why everyone made such a fuss over what Bronson said.

“All he said is she’s acting like a can’t,” Ex-Virgin Matt mutters, confused. Were the experts upset because grammatically it didn’t make sense? He’s worried because he’s been saying things like “I can’t find my shoes,” everyday for his entire life and NO ONE even once told him it was a naughty word.

Mr and Mrs Ex-Virgin Matt are most definitely getting a stern phone call later this afternoon because their son has questions.

Over in another apartment, Elizabeth is apologising to Sam for not being more empathetic about the fake funeral he didn't go to, and being upset about how he a little bit screened her phone calls because he was busy grindin' on gals in da club.

Sam says, "That's okay, I'm a very forgiving guy," but he's distracted because he's busy uploading a pic on Instagram with the caption, 'IBIZA WITH THA LADS'.

Meanwhile, Bronson is describing his relationship with Ines as not only the most toxic relationship he has ever been in, but that he has ever seen. Or heard of. In the history of forever.

So that must be why he decided to stay. 

John Aiken calls an emergency therapy session and Bronson says sorry for using the naughty word at the commitment ceremony, but especially for the distress it caused Ex-Virgin Matt who now keeps repeating the word like a seven-year-old who just learned the word 'shit'.

Ines is asked if, maybe, she has any regrets, like the time she emotionally, verbally, psychologically and spiritually assaulted Bronson since she met him for no reason.

Ines. No. Understand.

After a lot of thinking and soul searching Ines declares "... No," and reasons that she shouldn't say sorry to Bronson because that would be lying and lying is bad. 

John Aiken is impressed by how Ines appears to, for the first time, understand the difference between good and bad.

He asks Bronson what he needs from this relationship, and he answers: "More honest communication."

SWEETIE, NO.

THAT IS LITERALLY THE LAST THING ANYONE NEEDS.

"I'm fully committed," Ines says with a smirk, while whispering under her breath, "to messaging my new friend Sam," and INES, PLS. You're still very busy breaking Bronson, concentrate on one thing at a time FFS.

Over in Cyrell and Nic's apartment, Cyrell is upset and for some reason it's not about this:

She's angry because Nic said he liked public affection and then maybe said he didn't? We don't understand. But what we know for sure is that Cyrell's doing that thing where she loses her temper for no reason and then later on says she's scared of getting too close to people. That's why she yells.

We think that maybe Cyrell needs a) some counselling and b) to not be on Married at First Sight.

Oh.

Speaking of needing to not be on Married at First Sight, Ines has found Sam on Instagram and is stalking with her new friend, who is suddenly very interested in what she has to say, The Producer.

"He is so hot... he is stunning..." she says about the man who may or may not have fictionalised a death in order to escape his fake wife.

She decides the best course of action would be to slide into Sam's Insta DMs and The Producer agrees that, yes, that would be a good decision to make.

Pause.

The experts are bringing back this 'Yes' game where one party has to only say yes for an entire week which again serves the further blur the lines when it comes to honesty/respect/consent.

Ex-Virgin Matt is obviously the one chosen by the experts to call the shots in his relationship, and he uses the opportunity to ask Lauren questions. About herself.

"You don't have to..." he says when he presents the activity to her. "But it's strongly implied that you have to..."

DEAR GOD SOMEONE REMOVE THIS MAN FROM THIS SITUATION BEFORE IT RUINS HIM FOR GOOD.

While Ex-Virgin Matt initially asks a number of questions that appear to have been prepared by an eight-year-old (what's your favourite colour? Favourite food? FAVOURITE POWER RANGER GO), he eventually gets to a question that somehow elicits the information that Lauren "used to be a lesbian".

Ex-Virgin Matt being Ex-Virgin Matt doesn't know what to... do with this. He only wanted to know whether Lauren preferred bright pink or light blue and now this has turned into a very grown up conversation, like the time Bronson mentioned the word 'can't' in front of the experts. The producers are looking at him like he should react because it will be nice for their queerbaiting ad, please, but Lauren doesn't think it's a big deal and is ready to answer the next question about which Ninja Turtle she would like to morph into.

Meanwhile, Nic has used 'Yes' week to get Cyrell to wax his testicles which is both unexpected and wildly inappropriate for prime time television.

SHHHH PLS Ines hears a knock at her door and expects it to be Sam surprising her to do some sex.

When she answers the door, however, it's Sam's current wife, Elizabeth, and Ines doesn't... want it.

"Instead of Sam I got a large, noisy bird," she says and we are continually impressed by the creativity she brings to her cruelty. 

Elizabeth apologises to Ines for being rude at the commitment ceremony, and explains that she's all about "empowering women," while Ines wonders how much longer she has to speak to this woman before she's allowed to sext her husband.

It's at this point we have to ask the question: How did it come to be that - for an entire episode of television - INES MANAGED TO BE APOLOGISED TO BY EVERYONE?

She decides to (reluctantly) forgive Elizabeth, and makes her promise not to do it (... what?) again.

But Elizabeth isn't done apologising.

It's time for her to say sorry to poor Sam, who has been stuck at home all day sexting with his new girlfriend, Ines.

Sam puts his phone down for 12 seconds to accept the apology, before telling the camera "I don't want to hurt anyone's feeli..."

But then he remembers he doesn't care and asks Ines if she'll send nudes. Please.

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.