Watching the first Married At First Sight 2020 promo, you’d be forgiven for thinking the show was somewhat… classy.
We get our first look at some of the contestants: Mishel, Connie, Aleksandra, Mikey, Poppy, David, Tash and Chris, plus a couple who kiss and then begin levitating. It’s weird.
There’s slow, moody music. There’s nice looking people in nice looking wedding outfits. There’s a… ‘tunnel of love’.
See for yourself. Post continues below video.
But look, we know the real MAFS and this ain’t it. We know it’s more about smashing fruit bowls and getting an invite to the Logies than it is about love.
We’ve already heard that filming for next year’s show was supposedly getting so out of control the producers needed to step in and call for a break, and Nine can’t make us forget that with fairy lights and awkward kisses.
The promo is trying to make MAFS out to be something it's not and we have... questions.
1. Why must all reality stars spell their names 'uniquely'?
Jessika? Timm? (Who we love unconditionally and DESERVES his extra m). Ciarran? Haydn who lost his e? Nichole with an h? Biannca?
This is probably a question for their parents, but really, what happened to standard-ol' 'Michelle'?
2. Why do they look so miserable?
We're guessing the beginning of the promo, where the cast walk slowly through a damp forest alone, is supposed to represent their ~loneliness~ and past lives, before their televised fake weddings.
But they're also dressed in their wedding outfits, carrying bouquets and looking... really damn unhappy about it. Have they just realised they're about to spend the next 18 months followed by the Daily Mail, that they'll maybe get hit by a fruit bowl or that a panel of experts have matched them with someone totally incompatible in the name of entertainment? It's unfortunate timing.
3. Who's going to foot the dry cleaning bill?
It looks misty, which means the ground is likely a bit damp, and the women are just dragging their wedding dresses along without a second thought. Someone's going to have to pay a lot of money to get the damn twigs out of the lace.
4. What's with the cracked photo frame?
Surely this can only mean one thing... a dramatic backstory!
What personal trauma will be exploited for ratings this year? We're putting our money on a cheating ex-husband.
4.Was the tunnel of love really necessary?
The answer: No.
It is, however, foreshadowing the inevitable train wreck scheduled to occur at each and every therapy session, commitment ceremony and dinner party.
Toot toot.
5. How do we learn to fly like that?
Never in our lives have we kissed someone and then spontaneously levitated. Even if love that magical did exist, MAFS would not be where to find it.
6. Who is Mikey?
We'll probably come to hate him two episodes in, but for now...
7. Why does one of the men look so... familiar?
There's a rule in the reality TV world: One must not be content with just one televised search for love.
That's why one of the men, unnamed in the promo but 100 per cent named... Steve, looked for familiar to us.
He has leveled up from First Dates to Married At First Sight, because of course.
8. When does it start pls?
This promo has not accurately depicted the trash fire that is MAFS at all, but good lord we can't wait for next year.
Last year's season premiered in the last week of January, so we're betting MAFS 2020 season will premiere around the same time.
Clear your calendars, folks, we've got trash to watch.