'I was one of only 4 reporters allowed at Ghislaine Maxwell's trial. Here's what I learned.'

This story mentions sexual assault and child sexual abuse.

Australian journalist Lucia Osborne-Crowley might just be one of the most qualified women on the planet to bring us the untold stories of the women at the centre of billionaire paedophile Jeffrey Epstein's sex-trafficking ring - though not everyone agrees. 

Not only was she one of only four journalists allowed in the courtroom for the trial of Ghislaine Maxwell, the British socialite jailed for procuring young girls for Epstein, but she also has the kind of up-close understanding of abuse and its lasting scars that no one should be burdened with.

Watch: Ghislaine Maxwell has been sentenced to 20 years in prison. Post continues below.

Having experienced sexual abuse by a non-family member from the age of nine, and then a violent rape at the hands of a stranger when she was just 15, the skilled writer doesn't turn away from integrating her own lived experience into the way she reports on the story, something she has expanded on in her latest book, Lasting Harm, that explores the legacy of trauma experienced by some of Epstein's victims, decades on. 

"I have been accused often of being very biased," she says, "but the point I try and make in the book is that obviously we have these historic ideas of both journalists and lawyers having to be 'objective' in some sense, but actually, I would challenge that, because I think what we see as objective is very gendered. It is historically patriarchal."

It's a point Lucia makes in the book, sharing stories about some of the other reporters she met during the trial.

"They'd never experienced this kind of abuse and never even known anyone who has, and they'd come out of the courtroom, and it's like we've heard completely different evidence," she explains.

"You know, they think these women are lying. They think they're trying to get money or trying to get attention, all these things that are just so unbelievable. If you've lived through them, or know anyone who has - all you'll have to do is know someone who has gone through the process of trying to disclose this kind of abuse, to know that no one is doing this for fun, no one is doing this for money, no one is doing this for attention. It's awful. It's re-traumatising. It's incredibly hard to live through the first time - and, I quickly learned, the second time and the third time and the fourth time that they make you do it. So, you know, these men who would consider themselves more objective than me, I argue that their utter lack of experience is its own kind of bias. I'm just upfront about my own."

A legal reporter in London, Lucia made the decision very early on that she needed to be in the room for the Epstein trial.

Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. Image: Getty.

"He obviously managed to get out of that trial, because he died in jail," adds Lucia, "Ghislaine then went missing for a year, and I thought that they would never find her, so when she was eventually found and indicted, I thought, Okay, well, this is the trial that I have to make sure I go to."

From Ghislaine Maxwell's indictment, Lucia had about 18 months before the trial began to plan her move to New York in order to be present for her trial. 

In what she describes as one of the coldest and grimmest experiences of her life, Lucia was forced to line up every single day before the trial, in the biting cold, to make sure she secured her spot.

"It got earlier as the five-week trial went on," says Lucia.

"I usually got there around midnight, but the earliest I got there was just walking out of the courtroom at 7pm and not leaving, just sitting outside until the next morning."

It's a steely commitment that bleeds into Lucia's coverage of the story; her determination to name the things that inform our understanding of how justice plays out, and the often-unspoken elements of how trauma impacts us indefinitely.

"I've written lots of long-form pieces of journalism about this subject, but I knew that because of this trial, the jury, the judge and us as journalists were forced to grapple with some really difficult concepts that I think us as a society are still very far behind on – things like grooming, coercive control, manipulation, all of the things that occur as part of what we call organised child sexual abuse," explains Lucia.

"I knew that I would not be able to do that justice in a long-form article," she continues, "I knew it had to be a book."

"I have done so much work in terms of understanding my own experience and also understanding the experience of others, and I wanted to try and write a book that really helped people understand what the real impact of this is on us, and the double bind that we end up finding ourselves in, in that the very symptoms of this kind of abuse end up being used to discredit us."

Listen to this episode of The Quicky where we're looking into the role that adults can play in keeping children and young people safe from child sexual abuse. Post continues after podcast.

It is this trauma-informed approach to reporting that sets Lucia's writing apart. This, and the clear connection she has with the women whose stories she brings to life on the page.

"In the final product of the book, there are only a handful of people whose stories are told in real detail," she explains, "and that's because there were only a handful of people who were able to go through that years-long process with me and tell me, day by day, exactly what happened to them. That small group of people, all of them, have completely changed my life with their ability to do that, with their courage, with their resilience."

"This was not easy for them," Lucia continues. "We spent years going back and forth. I was talking to one of the victims the other day, and she's 53 now. When I met her in the book, she's 48. We just sat there laughing, being like, oh my God, we've been doing this for five years! The fact that they were willing to stick with me through this process was incredible, and I learned so much from them, firstly about their experience and about how the long shadow of abuse has followed them, but I also learned a lot from them, just personally about recovery and about survival and about finding joy in the world. These women have seen some of the darkest parts of humanity up close, and they are still able to find joy. I find them all incredibly inspiring and always will."

The Lasting Harm: Witnessing the Trial of Ghislaine Maxwell by Lucia Osborne-Crowley is published by Fourth Estate.

If this brings up any issues for you, contact Bravehearts, an organisation dedicated to the prevention and treatment of child sexual abuse, on 1800 272 831.

And you may also call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

Feature image: Instagram @luciaoc + Getty.