In the first 18 months of a relationship, love is passionate. It’s exciting, its new, its science.
In 18 months you hear the birds singing, even at 2am when you’ve driven home from making out all night. You lay on your bed and the butterflies dance around your stomach and all in the room.
I’ll never forget the morning after Domenic and I first kissed. The world had a lighter filter on it. (Totally used a new age metaphor, who am I?) Everyone who knew me knew that after 18 months, my relationships struggle. Why do they struggle? Because just like science suggests there’s only 18 months of passionate love, it also suggests passionate love becomes the companionate type of love.
For those of you playing at home, the technical term ‘companionate love’ is a non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. This type of love is observed in long-term marriages where passion is no longer present but where a deep affection and commitment remain.
To me, it means your relationship has become B O R I N G.
I’m the type of girl who believes in fairy tales, that love can still have passion 10 years, 20 years later, where companionate love and passionate love can coexist. Give me a mixture of The Notebook and 50 Shades of Grey.
I remember I was sitting on a bed with a friend who had been married for seven years while she was reading 50 Shades of Grey (ironically…) and her husband was in the other room watching football. I was childless and single at this stage.