Many first time mums have dreams of motherhood promoted and endorsed by nappy ads and baby shampoo commercials. But motherhood is not all about gurgling babies and splashing in the bath. And even when it is – sometimes it just fails to inspire
Liora* writes
Boring!!!
I’d love to know how to find happiness & balance in my life again?
I’m a first time mum. My baby is 15 months old. When my son was born I remember saying to my husband “oh my God I’ve found my purpose in life!” I loooooooved motherhood (apart from the sleepless nights).
But 15 months on, I feel borderline suicidal. (Ok I am NOT about to harm myself, but recently I DO feel like I am seriously losing the plot.) I’m on anti-depressants. (Hard to tell if they’re working though because I started taking them before I fell pregnant.) I’ve tried counselling. Doesn’t seem to help.
A friend suggested I go back to work a couple of days a week (as a way to have a bit of me time away from bub) but I don’t want to do that because I worked in childcare! So it wouldn’t be an escape at all – I’d just be changing even more pooey nappies. :( Plus I’d feel guilty putting my son in some sort of care.
The current highlights of my life/week are… going to playgroup and playdates with girlfriends. OMG what has my life become?! I want to get back to a place of actually *enjoying* motherhood. At the moment, it feels like every single breath from waking up in the morning until putting bub to bed at night is a CHORE despite loving him to bits.
I’m struggling to come to terms with some aspects of motherhood (mainly the part where I feel like I desperately need a break and no one wants to help). I expected that my parents and in-laws would actually *help* with our son from time to time. But it turns out no one wants to. I can see a nervous breakdown on the horizon. Either that, or have no more kids.
Just wondering how other mums stay sane? Any suggestions on how I can get to a place of enjoying motherhood again and feeling normal and happy again?
If you are struggling with post natal depression please call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636
Top Comments
I just spent the last hour reading this post and skimming through all the responses and it's so good to know that I am not alone! I too have felt so lonely and even bored. I don't enjoy interacting all day long with a baby or toddler. I need more mental stimulation. I also don't have much help, so it's pretty much me all the time with my daughter.
I returned to work two days per week when she was 16 months old and at first it was such a godsend and a great break for me. But slowly over the year it has become just more work I have to do during the week and not the 'me' time I crave. I've been thinking about putting my daughter into child care an extra day per week, so I can have a day to myself. But I feel like three days per week is too much for her to be in child care. And funny enough I'm actually looking for a new job which may end up being more than two days per week anyway. In which case I'd really feel bad about putting her in an extra day.
But when things get tough for me, I leave my daughter with my husband for a morning, afternoon, night or even a whole day and just get out and do things for me. I also sometimes arrange for him to take her out so I can just veg out at home. These things have helped immensely. I just wish I could do it more often.
Anyway, like others I do highly recommend child care for at least one day per week, if you can afford it, and don't go back to work for that time. Have the day all to yourself to do whatever you want!
OH MY GOD ! today i discovered this post whilst actually trawlling the internet trying to find people feeling like I do!!
I have no advice but I wanted to contribute my story, I have a 2YO and a 4 week old and I have adored motherhood- until now..... Ilove my children more than anything!! but I am all of a sudden just like you said ....lost!
My experience is a bit different as I loved the first 2 yrs of my sons life and could not comprehend anything more fulfilling than being a SAHM so now Ive got my second child and I love
both of them but my son is a terrible 2YO and I mean terrible!! I just feel so stressed he is just naughty no matter what we are doing, at the park, playing games etc he is ALWAYS pushing me, he is in day care 2 days a week thank god, and Im feeling trapped in the newborn cycle aswell im just feeling so ughhhh, after loving this time the first time I really wasnt expecting this and I am stuck, maybe I have PND, I dont have any family support my sister is interstae my mum, disabled and my dad just died this year, my husbands family are stressful to be around kind of judgemental, all my friends work full time and dont have kids yet! I just need to move out of this haze...sorry for the long rant everybody ..
We've all been there. The newbor cycle and the toddler IS hard for a whie. But it gets better quickly. MOre sleep helps and your toddler WILL improve, he is just adjusting to his sibling. I know that none iof this will make you feel better now, but my friends said the same thing to me when I felt as you do and it was true. The groundhog dayness passed, your eldest WILL settle down and you will be so very very glad you have had your babies, because I think the very best bit of parenthood is the sibling love. I love watching my kids love each other. Hang in there!!
Oh I can sooooo relate!! I'm home with my 2 1/2 yo daughter and an 8 month old! Things are better now, but the first 6 months with second baby were very hard, no sleep, my 2yo hitting/scratching the baby or me, acting out and being generally difficult! My husband is a pilot so away for days at a time. I thought it was never going to end and after loving the first 2 years at home with just one child was seriously questiong my sanity of staying home and having a second! BUT things are improving. My oldest daughter has really settled down and the baby is (nearly) sleeping through the night!! All I wanted to add is that it DOES end and it DOES get better (even though it really doesnt feel like it at the time!) No family support is hard too. My parents (who are fantastic with the kids) are interstate and my in-laws who live only 1 hour away arent really interetsted! It means you really dont get a break. But, my view on it is that it is just a phase in life and it will pass and to try and enjoy little things in each day. My time (and time for my poor husband!) will come again. Have you read "Buddhism for Mothers"? Great book with lots of little gems of wisdom in it (you dont need to be a Buddhist to understand it!) and lots of 'head nodding' moments of recognition in it!
Hang in there and stay strong!!