Liz Gilbert’s latest Facebook essay couldn’t have arrived at a better time.
The author’s post comes in the wake of the US Presidential Election, which has seen millions of people, including myself, grieving the loss of a woman they fundamentally believed in.
It also saw the election of someone who has inherently different values and policies than many could envision living under — and for many of us watching on, the emergence of friends and family members who openly support the President-Elect.
It’s almost like a personal insult when they identify themselves with his misogynistic language and behaviour and fear-mongering of certain religions and non-white races. With someone dreadfully underqualified, and the epitome of a bully.
But what do we do with these people? Are they really people we want to keep in our lives when they identify with someone who invokes hatred?
It turns out international bestseller author and speaker Liz Gilbert is facing the same conundrum.
“I should hate the people who voted for Trump,” the 47-year-old writes.
“They stand against everything I believe in, they have put some very vulnerable people into the path of danger, and I believe that they have made this world a darker and more unstable place.
“Here is the problem, though: I know some of the people who voted for Trump. I mean, I KNOW them. Relatives. Neighbours. People who I grew up. People I’ve worked beside.”
As Gilbert says, hating these people becomes hard because they aren’t invisible masses.
“It would be a hell of a lot simpler for me if I didn’t know any of the people who voted for Trump, because they I could throw them all away, and dismiss them all as monsters, or sub-human.
“I have seen people whose politics I agree with putting messages up on Facebook saying, ‘If you voted for Trump, you are dead to me.’ Or, ‘If you voted for Trump, are not welcome in my home or in my life.’ Or, ‘If you voted for Trump, un-friend me and un-follow me on social media.’ Or, ‘If you voted for Trump, you are a monster.'”
Listen: Mia Freedman is calling up the people in her life who support Trump in an attempt to understand why. (Post continues after audio.)
Here, Gilbert addresses the problem many people are currently sitting with: what do we do with them?
“I have to remember that this Trump voter (a relative of mine) once adopted a foster child who had abandoned by her meth-addicted mother, and then surrounded that traumatized child with a degree of love and patience and grace and healing that LITERALLY nobody else I know could have offered. This is true. This person voted for Trump, but that part of her history is also true,” she writes.
“THIS IS REALLY INCONVENIENT FOR ME… knowing the histories of these three people as intimately as I do makes it impossible for me to throw those three people away, or to dismiss them as purely evil or purely stupid. I just can’t. I can be angry and disappointed and baffled by them, but then I’m faced with the inconvenient memories of their moments of generosity, kindness, and grace.”
So what should we do instead?
“I have to remember that all the heroic peacemakers of this world whom I have always most admire and revere — from Jesus, to Gandhi, to Mandela, to King, to the Dalai Lama — NEVER THREW ANYBODY AWAY,” Gilbert reminds us.
Scroll through to see more pictures from Liz. (Post continues after gallery.)
Liz Gilbert
“Martin Luther King, Jr. never said to anyone, ‘If you don’t agree with me, you are dead to me.’ Gandhi never said, ‘If you don’t vote the same way I vote, you’re a monster.’ Jesus never said, ‘Get on board with my point of view, or unfriend me on Facebook.’
“The Dalai Lama never said, ‘If I find out that you supported my political adversaries, you may NOT come to Thanksgiving dinner in my house!’
“They never said, ‘I hate this too much. I’m too hurt. I’m too furious. I’m done with you. You are less-than-human to me.’
“Instead, they sat there in the difficult and uncomfortable moral stew of human contradictions and paradoxes, and they said to their enemies: ‘Goddamn it, you are still my brother, and therefore I cannot throw you away.'”
As Gilbert says, we aspire to the likes of King and Ghandi, and yet in these moments of deep terror and fear, we do not act like them. But we should.
“You can be compassionate toward your oppressors, even as you are fighting against their agenda. You can hold space in your heart for another person’s heart, even as you lobby against them.
“You can say: ‘I disagree with you, but I cannot throw you away.’ ‘I am angry with you, but I cannot throw you away.’
‘I will push back HARD against the ideologies you are preaching, but I cannot throw you away.’
‘I will march in the streets against you, but I cannot throw you away.’
“It is inconvenient for me that I know the faces and the hearts and the personal histories of those three Trump voters I mentioned earlier… but it is also a gift. A hard gift. A frustrating gift. A gift filled with paradox and challenge. But a gift.
“I hate it, but I simply cannot throw those three people away. If I can’t throw them away, then I can’t throw anyone away.”
The approach Gilbert suggests is easy to imagine doing, but far more difficult to practice. But perhaps it’s what we have to try.
Listen to the wonderful Liz Gilbert in conversation with Mia Freedman:
Top Comments
I am actually pretty ok about cutting out anyone in my life that votes the same way the kkk does.
Why would you let the kkk determine who is in your life. It means they've won over you.
I mean, good for her and righteous ability to accept, but I disagree, and will not be practicing this. This election is unlike any other we've seen here in the US - it's not a discussion of political preferences or economic leanings. It's a line in the sand, where on one side racism, misogyny, and hatred is openly celebrated. I had dinner with a group of school teachers on Saturday, who were all crying/tearing up, sharing stories that I never thought we'd hear - they have students too afraid to come to class, for fear of rampant bullying from pro-Trump classmates. Classmates who shout at them "Time's Up Anchor Baby!" and other vile comments. These are 13 and 14 yr old kids. One of my friends, a KINDERGARTEN teacher, said that one of her little students asked her if she could wish for a different skin color for her birthday, so she wouldn't have to go "away". Seriously. My barista told me that she had a note left on her car that said (paraphrasing) "you've been stealing our jobs for long enough, GET OUT". And I live in a state (and a city) that overwhelmingly voted blue. I figure, if a close friend started spewing half the disgusting things that Trump et al have been saying over the past 1.5yrs in any social situation, I'd remove myself from their presence immediately - i don't need that sort of poison in my life. I won't accept this - because acceptance is validation.
How is 'Anchor Baby' an insult? What does it mean? They were born in the US to 'anchor' US citizenship for the family?
Yes. If 'illegal' immigrants have a baby born in the US the family is allowed to stay. Hence the nasty term "anchor baby"
It's very hard. My sister has friends from different cultures who have been born in America, and have lived there all their lives, and are being told "Go back where you came from". Heart-breaking. It just seems that although some people would have voted for Trump for other reasons, it still seems his election has allowed some people to give voice to these hateful, racist comments, without fear of the consequences. So sad. We must stand against thing. We are all people.
Ditto what TotesDevo said.