'I've found the secret to reviving your libido after having a baby.'

After giving birth to twins in 2018, I entered into the driest sex spell of my life. I don't reckon I knocked the dust off the old girl for a solid 12 months and let's be very clear on this - there were no complaints from me. 

It was utterly inconceivable that I, a breastfeeding mother, who snatched maybe four hours of broken rest each night, would waste even 10 of the precious minutes I could be sleeping letting my husband pound me.

Sorry, pal. But there was just no way.

So the first thing I'd like to make very, very clear is that if you find yourself in this little corner of the internet because you're being nagged by your partner to get back in the sack - well, they have a hand, don't they?

The sleep deprivation after having a baby is very, very real. It's rather impossible to feel horny when you're legitimately exhausted and your body is a playground for libido-killing hormones, so go easy on yourself.

Watch: New parents, here are some handy things you oughta know! Post continues below.

Plus, there are all the glorious little extras no one tells you about in calm birth class to contend with. Stitches, prolapses… For me, it was the haemorrhoids. Never thought babies could savage your butthole as well as your vagina but, as I continue to learn, there are limitless ways in which having kids can f**k you.

There are many ways you can feel close to (and be intimate with!) your significant other that don't involve you being coerced into something you're not comfortable with. (Though if any sex-starved husbands are reading this - the sight of you scrubbing the bathroom, mopping the floors, blitzing the laundry pile and cooking dinner is choreplay, so shuffle your cards right and she may be tempted).

But a girl's gotta eat eventually, so when you're ready, here are my tried and tested tips and tricks for finally clearing those cobwebs.

1. If you don't use it, you'll lose it.

Orgasms promote orgasms, which is a pretty cruel trick when you're drowning in a sea of motherhood. Easy work-around, though - start your day off right, with a little selfish sesh in the shower. I say the shower, because it's really hard to set aside the time and space for a maz when you have little ones constantly looking for you.

I chuck ABC Kids on the TV, sit the twins down to breakfast, then hop into the shower and get a rather perfunctory cab off the rank while they're still distracted. The rushing water drowns out the sound of Playschool, and I find this regular attention not only keeps the drive alive, but is also actually really good for you.

Orgasms are scientifically proven to bestow happiness and health. They improve your skin and hair, boost confidence, aid in restful sleep and strengthen your pelvic floor. Self pleasure is basically a gym for your vagina and a spa for your mind. One membership, please!

My fave shower toy is the Delight Lay-On Vibrator ($89.99). Its intended purpose is as a clitoral stimulator that helps you get your rocks off while chilling on your front as he goes to pound town from behind. BUT, more importantly, it doesn't look like a sex toy. If anyone asks, it's just a vibrating facial cleansing device, isn't it? Wink, wink.

2. You've still got it.

You're a beautiful goddess and you deserve the type of toe-curling climaxes that set off all the neighbourhood dogs. But you probably don't feel very attractive right now, and that's totally normal. Your body has been through the wringer, and no one comes out unscathed.

I didn't step into a two-piece until five years after my babies were born. You could have prised those BONDS nursing singlets and giant cotton panties out of my cold, dead hands. 

I had to have some serious words with myself before finally giving them up, and part of the process was finding something that I actually felt good in. Babydolls, bodysuits, lacy teddies and chemises were my go-to for hiding my tummy and hoisting up my shrivelled, sucked-dry boobs.

This is the Seven Til Midnight Heart You Black Lace & Mesh Babydoll from Wild Secrets Lingerie - easy access to the playground and makes me feel cute and flirty.

Image: Supplied.

 3. Water slides aren't fun without water.

Use lube!! I cannot and will not stress this enough. Hormones can make things a lot less slippery down there, and that's going to make it significantly less enjoyable for you.

I have a friend whose boyfriend doesn't 'let' her use lube because he thinks if she was into him she'd just naturally get wet. There's a LOT to unpack here (Hello? Is that whole man disposal service? One pick up, please.), but the reality of motherhood says that ain't so.

Parent sex is often done during stolen moments when the kids are mercifully asleep. There may not even be time for foreplay. So do yourself a favour, grab the lube, and maybe don't let anyone who feels emasculated by a little bottle of liquid anywhere near your vagina.

4. Sex toys are an ally!

Bringing sex toys into the bedroom is the easiest, best way to spice things up with your partner. The female orgasm can be an elusive beast, and the statistics on female climax during hetero sex are, frankly, depressing.

Enter the Kiss Bullet ($79.99). This thing is an absolute pocket rocket, small but mighty, and nimble enough to be manoeuvred onto your clit in almost any penetrative position. I could never come during sex before this, and now I do, every damn time.

5. A change is as good as a holiday.

Sometimes all you need to reconnect with your partner is a babysitter and a table for two. But if you're game, you can also make it spicy. A romp in the sheets is pleasant enough, I suppose, but why not try something more exciting?

Picture this: you're getting ready to go out, you've put on a dress for the first time in ages, you're wearing lipstick and you're looking and feeling hot AF. Right before you leave, you secretly slide a discreet, comfortable, wearable vibrator into your underwear, and cheekily hand your partner the remote as you glide past him out the door.

The dinner date just got a lot more fun, didn't it?

I like the Adore Vibrator ($139.99) because it has magnets that hold it in place, so it's guaranteed to hit the spot. Probably best not to try it on a shared bench-style seat though, and definitely go somewhere with a bit of raucous background noise!

Finally, flamingoes actually lose their pink colour when they're raising their babies. It's such an intense process, the colour literally drains from their feathers. It returns eventually, though - as will yours. 

So when you're feeling worn out, unsexy, and totally lost in motherhood, just remember - you'll get your pink back soon x

Carly is a single Mum to twins, beauty writer, and sex toy tester. You can connect with her here.

Feature Image: Supplied.