If you’re looking for advice about options surrounding fertility, pregnancy or counselling, always consult your doctor.
Having a baby.
Whether you suffered a miscarriage, or you’re having fertility problems, you will understand the pain and confusion that goes hand in hand with wanting a child. And the resulting spiral into self blame.
Why did this happen? Is it something I did wrong? Is my body not strong enough?
If these thoughts have ever flooded your mind, Olympic swimmer and mother Libby Trickett has a message for you: it’s not your fault.
Listen: Libby talks about her miscarriage on the I Don’t Know How She Does It podcast (post continues after audio…)
The 32-year-old lost her first baby two years ago in the eighth week of her pregnancy. And since then, she has been open and honest about her struggle to come to terms with the loss of her child.
“It’s something that you carry with you. You feel guilty because ‘oh it’s just an early miscarriage you shouldn’t be so sad about it’… you feel so guilty that you feel so sad about something that was so small but you definitely feel that connection immediately,” she says.
“We saw that heartbeat and I immediately starting fantasising and imagining what they might become.”
Trickett says she slowly came to accept the loss was not her fault and now she wants to remind other women not to be consumed by the same kind of guilt.
“So many women go through it and we feel like it’s our fault and we feel like it’s our bodies failing on some level but in reality it’s not,” she says.
“That little being just wasn’t meant to be for some reason.
“My hubby is much more practical and matter-of-fact. He obviously didn’t blame me. He knew that little being wasn’t meant to be and that’s okay,” she said.
And there is a silver lining in grief, according to the new mother of a beautiful 8-month-old girl.
“I’m grateful for that experience, with the allowance of time to heal. Because I am so grateful that I have Poppy now and for any future babies that we might have all we want is a healthy, happy baby.”
Listen to the full episode of I Don’t Know How She Does It here:
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Mamamia's Infertility Week shines a light on the joy, the pain and everything in between when it comes to creating families. To read more from Infertility Week, click here.