"I leave my kids alone every day and it's fine."

Turns out, I completely messed up my first child. But at least I still have some hope for my third.

With my first child I was uber-Mum (or at least I thought I was).

Lots of educational one-on-one experiences.

Lots of stimulation. Baby Einstein. Play doh galore. We read picture books, and squeezed onion bags filled with plastic (don’t ask, just know that I went out and bought the bag of onions specifically for this task.)

There were hours spent painting the cardboard bits of toilet rolls and sticking sparkles on them. And lots of puzzles that I completed quickly before he ate all the pieces.

There was simply lots of me.

I was giving him what he needed. Intense one-on-one play and attention. Or at least I thought I was. (You still with me? Please stay. I’m not that much of a wanker anymore, I promise.)

By the time baby number 3 came along, I am lucky if I have the time to take her to the toilet alone. Books are read along with her two brothers, Lego is built (well, strewn across the floor) in a group, walks are generally only for the purpose of getting somewhere these days and when she plays it is usually with her two brothers, or alone.

It is hard to find the time to sit with her and play dollhouses, and to be honest after three kids it is hard to summon up the enthusiasm.

Of course, she has more love than could possibly be ever heaped upon a 3-year-old and more affection and kisses and fun than one child needs, but what she doesn’t have is my full undivided attention.

Her brothers are here for her to play with and anyway, I can’t quite compete with the fall-down-laughing joy she gets from clowning around with them.

But oh the guilt.

You know it right?

The guilt that she isn’t getting what her brother did. The guilt that she might be missing out on some much needed element in her childhood. The guilt that later on down the line I’ll realise that I did something wrong, that some step wasn’t completed.

So it felt like a small victory to read that that one-on-one extended play might just not be all that necessary anyway.

(Oh, no… now I feel guilty I did the WRONG thing for her elder brother.)

Dr David Whitebread, a senior lecturer in psychology and education at Cambridge University told The Daily Mail that parents who regularly take the lead in structured activities might be stifling their children’s development.

(Gosh, stifling. WHOOPS! The guilt is increasing…)

He was responding to a survey that found 73% of parents felt pressure to ensure their children developed at a certain pace. And in order to assist them 80% felt the need to fill their child’s time with new activities to ensure they are always entertained. These amazing mums surveyed spend 2.3 hours a day playing one-on-one with their kids. And the kids spent 1.9 hours independently playing.

What I want to know is where these mums get 2.3 hours a day to play with their kids? What am I doing in these 2.3 hours they manage to scrape together?

Probably packing soccer kits or looking for tennis racquets, or ballet shoes.

Possibly packing small Tupperware containers filled with snacks to sustain them while they troop from activity to activity.

Dr Whitebread told The Daily Mail that denying children time to explore alone could actually harm their development. “The really big concern over the last decade is the relative loss of opportunities for children to engage in child-led play.”

He said that these days kid’s lives are more structured than ever.

“Children’s lives are much more structured than they have ever been – and there is quite a lot of evidence to suggest this can be detrimental. Parents can certainly be given guidelines about productive ways of playing with their children, but it’s important that play is not structured all the time.”

According to Dr Whitebread,“self-regulation abilities” are actually a predictive of academic achievement and emotional well-being and it is this that has a very strong link to the amount of time spent in child-led play.

“Children often have a purpose in their play when left alone – it is not just mucking about.”

So finally one less thing to feel guilty about. Hurray! Or am I reading this wrong and it is actually one MORE thing to feel guilty about for previous parenting sins committed?

How many hours a day do you play with your child?

And if you are looking for an activity with your child that also cleans up all those left over loom bands in your house, CLICK THROUGH the gallery of loom-band craziness:

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Don’t judge me, but… I’m furious with my friend for giving my child one of these.

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