“I’ve never had an orgasm.”
It came up more or less as a joke while talking with a friend recently. In fact, at the age of 31 I had pretty much given up on the idea of ever having an orgasm. I just figured I’m one of those people who can’t enjoy sex.
It isn’t like I haven’t tried. Over the years I’ve purchased a few sex toys in the hope that something magical would happen. It didn’t.
I’d tried watching adult videos to see how the women in porn used toys. It wasn’t something I was comfortable talking about.
I’ve had sex too, although not a lot lately. When we first got together, my husband and I had sex almost daily. Now – four years and one child later – it’s more like every six months. It isn’t fun for me and, as a result, isn’t exactly exciting for my husband either.
The thing is, it isn’t like I don’t have a sex drive. All I have to do is watch an episode of “Black Sails” and catch a glimpse of a topless Charles Vane and I’m raring to go. But when things get started, nothing happens down there.
Fortunately for me, though, when I casually mentioned my inability to orgasm, it was to the co-founder at Kinkly.com. She put me in touch with Ducky Doolittle, the resident sex educator at Sola. Her goal: To send me off on a “find my orgasm” journey. I was hand-delivered the Sola Passion Set and was given a set of assignments. It was sort of like sex homework. I dug in and got started.
The Assignment
"'I've never had an orgasm' is the No.1 question I get from female participants in my workshops. It's also common for women to have had one, but not understand what an orgasm feels like," Ducky told me via email.
"I teach people what an orgasm is. Then I teach them how to have bigger, more bad-ass orgasms."