'Please behold my theory that Kylie Jenner's girls' trip has descended into chaos.'

Look.

Sometimes we plan a trip with a group of friends, and we’re far too optimistic.

We imagine cocktails on the beach and late night gossip sessions, and forget that, in fact, we’re kinda cranky bitches who want a minimum of nine hours sleep and can’t go from one activity to the next without at least a decent snack.

As a result, girls’ trips can quickly descend into chaos.

I propose, with little to no evidence, that this is exactly what has happened on Kylie Jenner’s recent holiday to Turks and Caicos.

Watch: Kylie Jenner says she’s scared of Jordyn Woods after the cheating scandal. Post continues after video.

Let me start from the beginning:

It’s an unspecified time between Friday and Saturday morning and Kylie and her friends are boarding their personalised private plane. Yes, they have matching outfits. Yes, they’ve already agreed the hashtag will be #KylieSkinSummerTrip. Yes, the photos are mostly aimed at making Jordyn Woods jealous.

There’s excitement in the air, the photographer is taking candid photos of an overly-enthusiastic Sofia Richie, and everyone’s keen for their long-awaited girls’ trip.

Even the flight attendants have prescribed outfits and everything fits the theme, which is pink, but also Kylie.

 

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Let the adventures begin!! #KylieSkinSummerTrip ????????????

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Jul 13, 2019 at 6:54pm PDT

It’s just… there’s a twinge of tension.

Kylie’s friends didn’t know Stormi was coming. It seems silly in hindsight. Of course Stormi would come, she’s Kylie’s literal baby. But how are they meant to have special girls’ time when there’s a toddler around? Are they allowed to swear in front of the child? Can they tell graphic sex stories when little ears are about?

It’s unclear, but there are a few raised eyebrows exchanged when Stormi’s ears get blocked on the flight and she starts screaming. ‘She’s acting like a baby,’ one young woman mutters.

Then everyone notices.

Ummm… Travis is here.

 

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Fam ???? #kylieskinsummertrip

A post shared by Kylie Skin by Kylie Jenner (@kylieskinupdates) on Jul 14, 2019 at 1:11am PDT

HOW IS IT A GIRLS’ TRIP IF TRAVIS IS HERE?

No one else was allowed to bring their boyfriend.

But whatever. They’re going to Turks and Caicos, they’ll get some hectic photos for the ‘gram, it’ll be great.

A few hours later, they’ve landed and arrived in their mansion. But there’s a problem.

 

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#KylieJenner chartered her own custom private jet for a girls trip to celebrate the launch of her new skincare line ✈️???? #KylieSkinSummerTrip #KylieSkin

A post shared by TheWriteFashion (@writetoliv) on Jul 14, 2019 at 8:38am PDT

Sofia got a way better room than Stassie, who has to share with someone she barely knows.

The crisis is averted, however, when she realises they both packed the same swimming costume and can get a photo together on the stairs.

 

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when you walk out in the same bodysuit you know it’s time for another twin pic @ohpolly

A post shared by Anastasia Karanikolaou (@stassiebaby) on Jul 15, 2019 at 4:33pm PDT

After they’ve unpacked, the group start doing what they came here to do: take Instagram photos on the beach.

Sofia gets hers:

 

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On a mission to tan ????

A post shared by Sofia Richie (@sofiarichie) on Jul 14, 2019 at 12:26pm PDT

Victoria gets hers:

 

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find me here ????

A post shared by VV (@victoriavillarroel) on Jul 14, 2019 at 6:34pm PDT

But no one gets A FKN GOOD ONE OF STASSIE.

Instead, the poor woman has to go back to her room LATER and take a selfie, as though she’s not even in Turks and Caicos.

 

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bloomin ????

A post shared by Anastasia Karanikolaou (@stassiebaby) on Jul 15, 2019 at 12:17pm PDT

To remedy the situation, Kylie suggests they dress up matching for some photos by the pool. Stassie reluctantly agrees, but her mood lifts when she sees she actually looks really good.

 

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just when you thought the twin pics were over ????

A post shared by Anastasia Karanikolaou (@stassiebaby) on Jul 14, 2019 at 12:15pm PDT

Everyone has dinner, and plans to meet after breakfast tomorrow for a day out on a boat.

But the next morning, there’s drama. No. One. Wakes. Up. Stassie.

She sleeps in, and by the time she gets out of bed, everyone else is out on the ocean, having already taken their bikini shots.

 

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@amberasaly ????

A post shared by Sofia Richie (@sofiarichie) on Jul 15, 2019 at 12:10pm PDT

 

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summer lovin’

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Jul 15, 2019 at 10:40am PDT

 

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@amberasaly ????????

A post shared by VV (@victoriavillarroel) on Jul 15, 2019 at 3:41pm PDT

“HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?” Stassie yells at the nanny who has been brought along to look after Stormi. “THEY TREAT ME LIKE I’M NOTHING.”

When the other girls return, laughing, Stassie loses it.

“THIS TRIP IS ALL ABOUT YOU, KYLIE,” she yells. “IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU.”

Everyone starts apologising, but now Kylie’s defensive.

“It’s my plane, Stassie,” she says. “It’s my mansion. It’s my skin care line and this is my holiday. For my business.”

Everyone starts getting uncomfortable. They thought this holiday was about… the girls. Spending quality time. Doing each other’s hair. Telling secrets.

It’s not long before they turn on Kylie, blaming her for turning everything into a branding exercise. “IT’S VERONICA’S BIRTHDAY WEEKEND,” someone yells and a) who is Veronica, and b) happy birthday.

Eventually, Kylie dramatically runs out of the mansion, returning only to tearfully request the photographer follow her. It’s time for a photoshoot. Alone.

 

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spritz me ????

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Jul 15, 2019 at 7:10pm PDT

 

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saw you in my dreams again ☁️

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Jul 15, 2019 at 8:18pm PDT

She takes a frankly absurd amount of photos for such a short period of time, while she’s wearing the same outfit. Every photo is accompanied by an ambiguous caption that refers to everything BUT her friends. “Saw you in my dreams…” one reads.

Then, she posts a final, vague photo.

 

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I’m proud of myself, my heart, and my strength. growing up in the light with a million eyes on you just isn’t normal. I’ve lost friends along the way and I’ve lost myself too sometimes. my first tattoo was “sanity” to remind myself everyday to keep it. I’ve struggled with anxiety my whole young adult life and after my baby i dealt with all the internal ups and downs. I felt like i had to find myself completely again. I keep a whole lot to myself but just wanted to share and let you know I’m human. my life is not perfect and what you see here on social media is just the surface. be gentle with yourself, move on, and let go. we are all capable of great things, worthy of love, and allowed to express ourselves. do more of what makes you happy and be unapologetic. now is your season ✨ we all have a magnificent destiny.

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Jul 15, 2019 at 10:54pm PDT

“I’m proud of myself, my heart, and my strength. growing up in the light with a million eyes on you just isn’t normal,” she writes.

“I’ve lost friends along the way and I’ve lost myself too sometimes…

“I keep a whole lot to myself but just wanted to share and let you know I’m human. My life is not perfect and what you see here on social media is just the surface. Be gentle with yourself, move on, and let go. we are all capable of great things, worthy of love, and allowed to express ourselves.

“Do more of what makes you happy,” she writes. “And be unapologetic.”

That, my friends, is the caption of a person whose girls’ trip has descended into the pits of hell.

Everyone’s fighting, at least one person is crying, and Kylie is just about ready to go home.

But there are more bikinis to be worn. More photos to be taken. And Kylie Jenner is many things, but she’s not a quitter.

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