On a quiet day in February 2019 the Kardashian-Jenner sisters started a group phone call that would ruin Jordyn Wood’s reputation forever.
The two minute group call is, in its entirety, the trailer for the Season 16 finale of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
The masterpiece comes three months after Jordyn Woods, the 21-year-old best friend of Kylie Jenner, was publicly shamed for allegedly… canoodling with the father of Khloe’s child, Tristan Thompson.
For those unfamiliar with the family dynamics, let us explain with a simple diagram.
In short, Jordyn Woods was a far more central figure in the family than Rob.
The scandal split fans into two camps; Team Jordyn and Team Khloe.
Now, thanks to Kris Jenner, we are days from knowing the 100 per cent unbiased truth, as it will all be revealed during the Keeping Up with the Kardashians season finale.
Praise be.
Now, back to that group phone call. Let's start at the beginning.
Watch the trailer for Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 16 finale. Post continues after video.
Kim starts by telling her therapist the camera man that her friend Larsa, who might be a character in Game of Thrones, knows something.
"I was getting ready for my interviews, literally same thing as the first time, and my friend Larsa called me to explain that a reporter that she knows was about to write a story that Jordyn and Tristan were at his home, late nighter until 7 in the morning, they said they were like making out, I immediately didn't believe it, I was like this can't be true."
Then she obviously calls Khloe, the victim of the alleged crime of passion, to ~get up to speed~.
Khloe is calm. Strangely calm.
"I talked to Jordyn, she... it's really weird... she's not giving me all the information. She was like 'He was trying to kiss me...' and was like 'I can't remember if we did or didn't'".
We're confused. Being hit on by your best friend's sister's baby daddy kind of sounds like something you might remember, no?
Thankfully, Khloe's sisters are outraged for her, screaming "WHAT" in perfect harmony.
But don't worry... Kim has a solution; to dial in Jordyn's BFF and the Kardashian's half-sister, 'self-made' billionaire Kylie Jenner, thus creating a monstrously huge and terrifying group phone call.
The group call now consists of Kylie, Kourtney, Khloe and Kim.
Let's continue.
Khloe dishes out the goss.
"So I spoke to Jordyn and she was in between his legs," begins Khloe.
THAT IS NEW INFORMATION.
Kourtney then rudely interrupts the narrative arc of the story because she's stuck outside the building and needs someone to let her in.
"Is someone coming? I'm standing outside the f**cking locked door with f**cking paparazzi," Kourtney interrupts, to which Kim tells her STFU in a very literal way.
Eventually, Kourtney is granted access to the building and the tea continues to spill. Khloe explains to Kylie the whole 'not sure if I remember the kiss' situation, adding that she told Jordyn if she was too nervous to tell her something she could just... text her.
Good idea!
Anywho, she didn't text, instead she stalled by saying she would call in five.
*Cue spooky ominous music*
It's now been 20 minutes and the 21-year-old influencer has not called.
Kylie says it's weird to which Khloe responds "exactly".
Then Kylie says something particularly suspicious.
"This is the first time I'm hearing she was sitting on his lap,"... except Khloe never told Kylie that information, she told that to Kim...
It's almost as though the whole thing was SCRIPTED.
Khloe explains that she needs the truth etc etc and Kim fills in the blanks for her therapist camera man again.
"So Tristan is on a plane flying back from All Star weekend... so Jordyn is the one who can give Khloe information and she has gone radio silent now so it just must be such a frustrating situation for Khloe to be in... not knowing what's going on and just wanting answers."
Once more, the onus of an alleged affair falls on a woman.
It's afternoon tea time, sip sip.
You can watch part one of the Keeping Up with the Kardashians finale on Monday June 24 on Foxtel's E! Entertainment.