What I learned from Kris Jenner's parenting advice.

I don’t want to be Scrooge McKimberleyScrooge when it comes to the Kardashians, partly because I’m well aware that, due to the fact I have free will and my neck moves, I can always look the other way.

And look the other way from this Klan is normally what I do.

Even though I have turned the other cheek, it’s impossible not to absorb from headlines and screen grabs random goings on about the Kardashians, and I even have a slippery handle on which K progeny is which – but I still don’t know very much. This lack of knowledge has not made me a lesser human being, nor a more superior one, it has just made me free from filling my cramped headspace with an avalanche of Kardashian K-shit.

Today I looked because the mother and manager or ‘momager’, Kris Jenner, was in a video; “Kris Jenner on the Art of Motherhood” and I thought, if motherhood is an art, Kris Jenner is the last person on earth who should talk to me about it.

So, naturally, I was in.

Watch the video below. Post continues after video.

‘Momager’ Kris, with six children (including Kim Kardashian and model Kendall Jenner), is behind a family with a social reach on Instagram alone of 208.2 million. She is a reality TV star, producer, negotiator of sponsorship and endorsement deals, ex-wife of celebrity lawyer, Robert Kardashian, and former Olympian, Caitlyn Jenner. She is about to star in the 11th season of Keeping Up with Kardashians. 

Now she is discussing the “art of motherhood”. The phrase conjures up ephemeral, warm, trusting feelings. And here is Kris, a woman who knows an opportunity before it even knows itself (let’s not even discuss the Kim Kardashian and rapper Ray J sex tape from 2007 and claims that the deal was allegedly brokered by a ‘momager’ who shall remain nameless), talking about the art of motherhood.

If art and motherhood mix, I’ve been doing it all wrong. I’ve been tackling this beast as though it were more of a role in life that involves the completely concrete and the absolutely abstract: driving little people places; having arguments over the correct return spot for towels (I’ll take slung over a door, but on a towel rack is perfection); figuring out how to pay dentists and orthodontists – anything ists; checking front door key ownership; oh, and loving someone else probably more than you love yourself. Sometimes that last part isn’t as easy as it looks in movies. It’s complicated.

I watched Kris in her floor length embellished gold gown and expected lessons on how to get the most publicity out of a family crisis, how to make little girls grow into sex fembots, how to make complete strangers want so much of you that it’s impossible to imagine that you have anything left to give to those you love and even yourself. All handy motherhood tips for 2015/2016.

Watch the video Kris’s kids made her for her 60th below. Post continues after video.

Instead Kris shared with me (and millions of others):”It’s just so great and it brings so much criticism from people who just don’t understand things get crazy or, you know, chaotic. You’re just trying to get it right and everyone makes mistakes. For sure. I’ve probably made, you know, a handful of my share.”

A handful? I made a handful before school drop off this morning. Then Kris went on to explain how she worked in her grandmother’s candle store when she was 13-years-old and, perhaps, that’s why it makes it so special she now works with her own kids.

“The focus has always been on the love and the kids and the grandkids,” she says. “I will drop anything to do something for the kids.”

At the end of the short, styled clip I did learn two things from Kris.

I haven’t missed a thing by missing out on the Kardashians.

And we all must hold inside us a very different definition of what love is.

Click through the gallery below for more pic of Kris with her kids and grandkids.