When dad-of-two Brendan*, attended his youngest daughter’s kindergarten orientation he was not prepared for the battle-ready attitude of parents who had already ‘told the school’ which teacher and class they wanted for their child.
There are two types of parents when it comes to school shopping… Post continues below.
Brendan tells Mamamia that when his eldest child, Tom, enrolled to start school back in January 2016, he had no real idea of what to expect at the kindergarten orientation.
“We were just pleased to be there as we knew this particular public school had a great reputation locally.
“Tom’s orientation began with an introductory session and speeches from teachers and the principal that communicated the clear message of ‘trust us to do our jobs’.
“My wife Lisa and I shared the attitude of only intervening or advocating for our son when we absolutely felt it was necessary, which has been hardly ever as we are very happy with the school.”
It was after a similar set of speeches at his daughter Claudia’s orientation in December 2019, that he began chatting with a group of parents he knew who also had older kids at the school.
Top Comments
I agree with the writer 100%. School is about socialisation as well as education. You have to learn to cope with all sorts of personalities and situations in your life and pushy parents are just damaging their kids' resilience and life expectations. Leave it to the professionals and take a chill pill.
In theory, it seems reasonable that teachers should be trusted to make judgements on class allocations. In reality, there are kids who get blatantly overlooked, year after year after year.
As the parent of two quieter kids, I never complained to their school for years when they were repeatedly separated from friends or got allocated to the unpopular teachers. Other kids would be placed with whole groups of friends while my two were repeatedly having to start again socially each year. I couldn’t work out why until I noticed that the louder kids, and kids of parents who were always at the school helping, always seemed to get not only the most well-regarded teachers but also were always kept with their friends and repeatedly got all the leadership roles. Teachers’ kids also swept the pool in these areas. I decided I needed to get more vocal and the first time I met with a teacher, to request that my eldest for once be placed with at least one friend next year, her clearly irritated teacher asked “Now who are her friends?” and had to write the names down on a piece of paper. This was in term 4 after having spent the entire year teaching my daughter. She had no idea who her friends were. Even then, my daughter was still placed with just one of those friends while her entire friendship group, all louder girls, were placed together in another class. She also got the teacher no-one liked. I was left to assume that it could only have been a deliberate decision and was therefore probably based on the 1950’s notion of trying to ‘bring my daughter out of her shell.’ Which we know in the 21st century doesn’t work as introverts can’t be converted into extroverts. And why would we?
I realised then how teachers are flawed professionals due to their human biases’ and that I needed to be an advocate for my kids to make up the imbalance. A teacher friend had already told me that teachers have their favourite students and also become good friends with the parents who often help at school. I myself had seen that teachers seemed now too busy to care about each and every child and tended to blame everything wrong with their profession on parents, despite having one of the most powerful unions in the country and being able force change if they really wanted to.
Schools can be very unfair places and while this certainly does prepare kids for the real world, it should prepare all kids across the board and not just the kids teachers can get away with shafting just because they’re less visible. I also have a profession of my own and need to be a working role model to my daughters, not the unpaid help to teachers. Women have too long provided unpaid labour to schools, on top of the support they already give to their kids’ learning at home that teachers never recognise. My children deserve to be treated fairly at school. Teachers need to get with the new century and be more professional.
I dont know what school yoir children go to, but in my experience (Im a teacher) at the end of each school year teachers ask students to write down 2 or 3 names of students they would like to be in class with the following year and this is how the classes are formed. Students who are known NOT to get along are often separated. I personally do not favour any of my students, I aim to treat all equally, if anything, try to give time to those overlooked. It sounds like you need to change schools or move.