Hi Russia. I'm Kevin, I'm from Queensland and I'm here to help.

There is some serious tension between Ukraine and Russia right now and amid reports the two countries may be on the brink of an all-out war, only one man has the skills and bravery to shut the whole thing down.

Kevin. Michael. Rudd.

Someone needs to tell Ukrainian citizens to ignore those uninvited and violent Russian troops just a little longer – cos K-Rudd himself is on the case.

Even though he no longer represents any country in an official capacity, when Kev got word that things were spiralling out of control over in Europe, he knew what he had to do.

Armed with the knowledge that he is pretty much the only man on earth with the ability to nip this whole ‘war’ business in the bud, he selflessly jumped on a plane and zipped straight into Russia, where The West Australian reports that he plans to meet with some of President Vladimir Putin’s ‘top advisors’.

So stand down, concerned international community; K-Rudd, the one-man peace machine, has got this.

Ever the skilled diplomat, Rudd is even making sure that he gets no credit for his inevitable role in curtailing the epic crisis. His spokesperson is flat-out denying all his heroic involvement. Apparently, Rudd’s Moscow trip was ‘planned months ago’ (WINK) and he’s actually in Moscow to attend some ‘think-tanks’ (WINK) about ‘China’ (WINK). He also happens to be swinging by Ukraine next week to go to some ‘conferences’ (WINK WINK).

We’ll keep you updated as reports of his selfless one-man diplomatic mission to Russia come flowing in. But for now, we’ll leave you with the immortal words of Kevin Rudd’s very first public press conference, which he’ll no doubt open his Russian crisis talks with:

“Hi, I’m Kevin. I’m from Queensland. I’m here to help.”