Dear Justin Bieber: Mayor of Wanker Town.

I don’t give a fuck who you are, arriving over an hour late to anywhere without an explanation or apology is just rude. More so if thousands of young girls have paid all their pocket money to see you and it is a school night and boooooooo.

Up until recently I had been a Justin Bieber defender, I was all like: “leave the kid alone. He is growing up in the spotlight, has immense pressure on him and he is genuinely talented.”

But now I’m afraid to say, you’ve lost me Biebs. You have become the Mayor of Wanker Town and I think it is high time you pull your immaculately groomed head in and stop acting like a douche canoe.

This year has been a big one for Justin. He urinated in a hotel bucket, left his pet monkey in Germany, hoped that Anne Frank had been a Belieber, became the patron saint of brothels, dragged the Argentinean flag across a stage with his feet and most recently became a graffiti artist and is currently wanted for questioning by the Brazilian authorities over some unsolicited tagging. Not to mention Gold Coast Mayor Tom Tate has a major beef with Biebs over some “artwork” he left on a wall at a hotel in Queensland.

We get it J, you’re growing up and wanting to rebel but can you stop being such a dickhead please?

Last night in Melbourne Justin Bieber was 70 minutes late to come on stage. When he finally presented in what appeared to be a leather pair of skants (skirt pants) and a mad wicket white studded leather jacket, it was well past 9:30pm on a school night – so the concert went until almost midnight.

This is relevant because 99.9% of the people in attendance had to go to high school today. Did you have somewhere else to be Biebs?! Was there a miscommunication on the starting time? Did it slip your mind that you had flown to Australia specifically for the purpose of giving a concert?!

He was two hours late in Brisbane, TWO HOURS.

Listen here you feckless twat, the reason you can wear leather skirt pants, have pet monkeys you can abandon and visit the finest brothels is because these young girls have spent their hard earned cash on your music.

The very least you can do for them is to show up on time, I would even accept 15-20 minutes late to reaffirm to them how cool and anti-establishment you are.

I don’t care that you are richer than Jesus, arguably the most popular male pop star of all time and musically gifted, you are being a massive jerk and you need to stop it. You are trashing your legacy Biebes and that is the real shame.

I fear that if you continue at this pace, an epic meltdown is imminent.

Now, if you are a teenage girl who is now thinking about declaring a jihad against me in the name of the Beliebers, think again. I have done this for you. Enough is enough.

If he doesn’t get his shit together now, he will burrow further and further up his own arse and disappear; stuck in the failed teen heart throb matrix reduced to Christmas albums, rehab and I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here appearances.

It won’t happen straight away but it will happen. Why? Because Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Jackson, Corey Haim, Amanda Bynes and Macaulay Culkin – thats why.

It’s not all bad though, recently Justin Bieber was in Guatemala with a great charity called “Pencils of Promise” which builds schools. He actually helped build a school and spent quality time with the kids.

That stuff is great, he needs more of that. Helping other people who have it so much worse than you is a very effective way of gaining some perspective. The realisation that the world does not revolve around you is a truly life changing lesson.

So more of the school building and less of the bodyguards slashing tires, KAY Justin?

Please share this post if you reckon Em is on the money (and protect her from crazy teenage girls armed with Impulse body spray, who will no doubt want her head for this). Or if you think she’s wrong, tell us in the comments below.