Welcome to Douche Canoe, Spirit Animal and Whinger of the Week – Mamamia’s brand new weekly post.
Not quite sure if we need to explain, but let’s do it anyway just for kicks:
Each week, we will pick the biggest Douche Canoe, Spirit Animal and Whinger from the last seven days. What’s a Douche Canoe? Someone who has pretty much been the worst/done something crappy/just generally been a wanker. What’s a Spirit Animal? Someone who has won the week by being awesome. What’s a whinger? Well, pretty much just someone who has had a major sooky-la-la moment.
So without further ado, let’s get this thing started.
Douche Canoe of the week goes to…
This guy:
For having his minders (you know – the guys who carry him around when his little legs get tired) block off an entire suburban street with their cars so Justin could live out his Fast and Furious fantasies by DRAG RACING his Lamborghini. Oh, and he was off his face. Oh, and he didn’t have a licence. Oh, and he went on a expletive-filled rant when he was taken into custody. Oh, and then he smiled in the mugshot just to be a TWAT.
What is with his bizarro ‘thug-life’ aspirations? It’s like he was proud to get arrested. Stay tuned for the tear-drop tattoo that will appear under his eye after spending eight hours in prison.
Thankfully Twitter reacted in the appropriate fashion:
Who amongst us hasn’t drag-raced a Lambo in Miami on pills? #FreeBieber
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) January 23, 2014
Im starting to miss the young, adorable mop bucket peeing, house egging & strip club raging Bieber of 2013. #belieber #DUIeber
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) January 23, 2014
Justin Bieber be like… pic.twitter.com/WDlBhOK8QP
— Daniel Tosh (@itsDannyTosh) January 24, 2014
Spirit Animal of the week goes to…
Cate Blanchett, for WINNING with her take-down of the fashion ‘glam cams’ on the red carpet, and giving us this incredible GIF as a result:
Oh yeah. And she also you know, won all the actual awards as well.
Whinger of the week goes to…
This dude. No contest.
Well, actually, there was a contest. Which Dutch speed skater Sjinkie Knegt lost to Russian Victor Ahn.
Classy.
Who’s your Douche Canoe, Spirit Animal and Whinger of the week?
Like Mamamia Rogue on Facebook
Rogue is Mamamia’s space for fun, viral and random content, with everything from feminism to pop culture. We scour the internet so you don’t have to, and bring all the best bits back.
Top Comments
I don't think Cate's ACTUALLY offended you guys...geez, lighten up!! Talk about weekly Wingers!! Sheeessh
It saddens me how people love to stand on the sidelines & jeer when another goes through an obviously difficult time. Maybe he deserves it in your mind because he's wealthy?
Really what's changed since the Middle Ages when the peasants would throw rotten fruit & stones at the person in the stocks?
I'm no fan of JB, but I'm less of a fan of bitchiness under the guise of 'humour'.
He's surrounded by enablers & then others are trying to get him into rehab which by all accounts is where he needs to be. Usher is down in Panama now to try & get through to him.
Where's your compassion? And where's your correct reporting? It's now come out he was going under the speed limit (thanks to inbuilt GPS monitors) & he was not drunk. Looks like the cops wanted to stitch him up in this instance. Here's an update that came out before this was written (yes it is TMZ who have it in for JB, but at least will report an update in his favour when facts come to light) http://www.tmz.com/2014/01/...