Julia Fox and the dangerous narrative we keep hearing about "harmless men".

This post deals with domestic and sexual violence and could be triggering for some readers.

Up until a few days ago, Julia Fox was harmless.

The actor and mother-of-one was living her best life after her short-lived romance with Kanye West, masterfully navigating the instant fame the association garnered. Suddenly we all knew who Julia Fox was. The internet exploded with "How to wear eyeliner like Julia Fox", "Julia Fox and her low-rise jeans", "Why Julia Fox lay on top of piles of garbage," and, of course, there is the hilariously meme-able moment where she proclaimed herself as film director Josh Safdie's muse in "Unca Jams" aka Uncut Gems.

In a way, many of us admired her for turning her moment in the spotlight into workable currency, especially as a single mother. A woman's got to do what a woman's got to do, right? No harm, no foul.

But then she said something very, very harmful.

When a TMZ reporter asked Fox a few days ago whether she thought West's ex Kim Kardashian and new partner Pete Davidson should be worried about their safety given West's disturbing online behaviour, she was adamant he was "harmless".

"I just think that's his artistic, creative expression," Fox said. "I know it's aggressive but I really don't... I think if it really came down to it, I don't think Kanye would hurt a fly."

There are so many things wrong with this statement that it's hard to know where to start.

Firstly, there is the fact that Fox has known West for all of 2.5 seconds and yet purports to know exactly what his intent is.

Secondly, even if she had known him all her life, it still wouldn't matter. The fact is that abusers don't look a certain way - anyone can be an abuser. He's young, old, rich, poor, famous, not famous. He's someone's father, son, brother, uncle, and husband.

Thirdly, despite his bi-polar disorder diagnosis, West's current behaviour cannot be construed as anything other than threatening and harassment. The list of things that he has done since he and Kardashian separated is too long to mention but in summary he has: sent a truckload of flowers to her home, continuously said it's God's will for them to be together, made a video showing him burying Davidson alive, released private messages to the public (including those pertaining to his children), made racial slurs against TV presenter Trevor Noah who had the audacity to defend Kardashian, and even worried the organisers of the Grammys so much that he has now been banned from performing.

All of this behaviour is neither artistic nor creative. It is just plain dangerous.

Just stop. (Image: Instagram) 

Fox has since tried to clarify her words, saying (in a now deleted Instagram post) she did not see West's most recent online messages and that she doesn't "have the answers". She didn't actually take back the comment he is "harmless".

So why is it that people keep falling into the trap of defending these abusive men?

We all know about the "Good Bloke" narrative here in Australia. Whenever a man commits a crime against women and children, there is always someone - a neighbour, colleague or friend - who says, "He seemed like such a good bloke." As though good blokes can't be bad. As though bad blokes walk around with a sign on their forehead so we can spot them.

We don't live in such a black and white world.

The same thing happens when it comes to famous men who display abusive behaviour. There are always people rushing to their defence. Fans get caught up in their fantasy of the celebrity - they equate the character these stars play on film and television to real people. Or they are too enamoured with the art being produced that they will not accept any other worldview. 

Celebrities become gods, and gods are untouchable. Their victims, however, are not.

Take the recent case of singer Marilyn Manson. Last year, he was accused by multiple women, including his former fiancee, actor Evan Rachel Wood, of sexual abuse and violence. The matter has come back to the forefront this year because of Wood's revealing new documentary Phoenix Rising. 

While there is support for Wood, there are those who have doubled down on their defence of Manson.

The only thing I am hearing from Evan Rachel Wood on #phoenixrising is her malicious intent to destroy Manson because she got reduced to a C-List actress. I don’t believe these perfect girls with their perfect faces and bodies who have millions of dollars https://t.co/53G4IbaIYV

— Amanda Scurrd (@trickrtreatme) March 16, 2022

Yet another #EvanRachelWood follower accusing women of being abusive men.

Why?
Because we disagree, ask questions and don’t agree with believe all women.

STOP ACCUSING INNOCENT PEOPLE OF BEING ABUSERS BECAUSE THEY DONT AGREE WTH YOU. https://t.co/VmZf4gV7fH

— MM (@i_am_chaos_1) September 9, 2021

Marilyn Manson fans ate looking at facts and calmly explaining why we believe he is innocent. While #EvanRachelWood fans are violently supporting her by wishing death and ra^e on Manson supporters. I think that says more than words could ever.

— Jennifer Hallman (@Jennife28065740) March 21, 2022

Blaming the victim is an easy way for fans to dismiss the behaviour of their favourite celebrity. We've seen it with Chris Noth, Casey Affleck, Johnny Depp, Danny Masterson, Armie Hammer, Ansel Elgort, R. Kelly, Michael Jackson, Kevin Spacey, Bill Cosby, Bryan Singer, Woody Allen, Dustin Hoffman, Tony Robbins, Prince Andrew, and even convicted criminal Harvey Weinstein.

Each of these men have been accused of sexual abuse. A few of them have been sentenced to jail. A few of them have been "cancelled". Most them are free men who have faced no consequences.

In some instances, it's not only the vociferous fans who are vocal about how harmless these men are. Actor Johnny Depp, who has been accused of domestic violence by ex-wife and fellow actor Amber Heard, had the support of many of his peers when the case was before the court.

Ex-partner and actor Winona Ryder wrote in her legal declaration, "I do not want to call anyone a liar but from my experience of Johnny, it is impossible to believe that such horrific allegations are true. I find it extremely upsetting knowing him as I do."

Husband and wife team Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz also came out in support of Depp. "I love Johnny. He has always been a true gentleman and an extremely generous and caring friend to my family and myself," Bardem wrote. "I stand by Johnny because I have always seen and felt a true caring and loving man in him... he is a good human being, trapped in the lies and manipulations of toxic beings and yet smiling and loving us all in spite of it."

Director and actor Woody Allen, who has long denied accusations of molestation and sexual assault by his adopted daughter Dylan Farrow, also has high-profile stars in his corner. Scarlett Johansson, Blake Lively, Diane Keaton, and Cate Blanchett have all defended working with the prolific director.

"How do I feel about Woody Allen? I love Woody," Johansson said in a 2019 interview. "I believe him, and I would work with him anytime."

Human beings are complex creatures. We can be extremely kind to one person, and extremely cruel to the next. That's why these lines of defence ring hollow.

With Depp and Allen, there is not only the aspect of blaming the victim but also a perception of the personalities of these two men. Both of them are seen as child-like and innocent and thus incapable of committing the atrocities they've been accused of.

Indeed, in Bardem's statement, he wrote: "I not only love Johnny but respect him deeply and I thank him for being the free and careless little boy he is in his art and the mature and loving man he is in the lives of others."

Or, he could just be a good actor, Mr Bardem.

This is not to outrightly and overtly say that Depp and Allen and all the other men in this story are abusers, even though some of them, like Weinstein and Kelly and Cosby very clearly are. That's not the point.

The point is that we - fans and celebrities alike - cannot claim to know that a man will not "hurt a fly" and is "harmless".

Ever. No matter how much you think you know a person. No matter how big a fan you are of that person.

Ever.

So stop saying "He's harmless."

Because you are only causing more harm.

If this post brings up any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service. It doesn’t matter where you live, they will take your call and, if need be, refer you to a service closer to home.