Warning: This post deals with issues of abuse, suicide and eating disorders. It contains photographic images that some readers may find distressing.
US Professor of Social Studies Brene Brown famously said “When we deny our stories, they define us. When we write our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.”
To that end, I am not writing my story for sympathy, nor for vengeance. I am writing this so that I can heal. To validate my own self love and worth, so that it comes from within and can never be taken away.
My name is Jodi Cahill, I’m a 38 year old PR Executive from Melbourne. I was raised in a loving home, attended an exclusive private girls school, had a great career and fantastic friends.
On paper, my life appeared perfect — yet it was a piece of paper that tore at the very fabric of my existence.
Recently, I stood on the Sydney Harbour Bridge, ready to take my own life. A five-year struggle with a severe eating disorder had left me so drained that I no longer had the strength to go on.
As I stood there, on the precipice of life and death, I looked down at my bare feet, swollen and bloody from running away from the clinic that was caring for me, running away from all my problems.
Top Comments
Hi Jodi. Your story truly resonated with me; while our circumstances & the effect they had on us are different there are also similarities. I also had a monster in my life; when I was 16 my parents' marriage disintegrated & my father decided to torture & kill my mother &, when I stood up to him, me. He didn't succeed but he stalked my mother, my brothers & me, & threatened us for 6 years. I thought surviving this made me stronger, but years later, after he died, all those repressed emotions erupted & I experienced incredible rage at the damage he had done. I too wanted to dig up his body & kick his head around like a football, so I understand your anger & frustration & how that eats you up inside... I can only say that survival & clawing back the life you should have had is the best way to win & heal yourself. It's bloody unfair what happened to you & your mother & it's bloody unfair your father never had to pay for his crimes- though if he was anything like mine he would have denied & never acknowledged them let alone say or be sorry. Anyway, I want to congratulate you on your bravery, on being here today, on surviving such horrific trauma & I am truly glad you are in the world & sharing your story... we are not alone.
Jodi, it makes sense to me that you would try to become small again like a child to try to fix things, to fix yourself and your pain. I hope that you can keep on putting one foot In front of the other one day at a time and stay well. You obviously have much to give the world, just like us all. We are all far more than the sum of our parts. I wish you the happiness and hope that you've had trouble believing you deserve. There are people all over social media saying the same, I hope you can believe them. Tx