Just 24 things MAFS' Jesse would hate listening to me talk about.

I love the fact the MAFS producers sat around a boardroom somewhere and decided what we really needed in 2023 was a Russell Brand doppelgänger in a pink suit who hates women who... speak. 

It wasn't on my bingo card for this year but I'M INTO IT. 

In case you missed it, the 'experiment' in which 'experts' match strangers together to find 'true love' (a reality TV show where ordinary Australians are humiliated for two months in the hopes of launching their influencer career) introduced a new groom named Jesse last night. 

Jesse seemed to love his new bride Claire (she was hot) but then she opened her mouth. 

And spoke words. 

To him. 

He basically did this for the rest of the episode: 

And then he shushed her. 

Anyway, in the hopes of making him gag, here's 24 things Jesse would absolutely hate listening to me talk about: 

1. My dog's star sign. 

2. My star sign. 

3. The weather. 

4. What I feel like for dinner. 

5. What I had for dinner. 

6. A podcast that I really like. 

7. Quantum physics. 

8. My hopes and dreams. 

9. Reality TV. 

10. How much I like chips and gravy. 

11. The haunting realisation that every day I'm getting closer and closer to death. 

12. Puppies! 

13. When my birthday is. 

14. My opinion on something that impacts my daily life. 

15. How my day was. 

16. Crystals. 

17. Climate change. 

18. Something I saw on TikTok. 

19. The pit of despair in which I reside. 

20. My mother. 

21. The full moon. 

22. Farts. 

23. Season two of The White Lotus. 

24. Basically... everything.