The woman who had everything had nothing but pity until she had a wedding ring.
As the News told us: “Unlucky in love actress Jennifer Aniston has finally tied the knot with Justin Theroux overnight in a ceremony in Los Angeles…”
Yes, an actual newsreader read those words this morning.
Imagine having your first name eternally prefixed with “Unlucky In Love”. And they say celebrities are just like us.
If a woman who has been married and divorced is Unlucky In Love then come on, let’s raise our hands, because one in four of us have been divorced, too.
Granted, most of us weren’t married to The Sexiest Man Alive (TM). And most of us didn’t get publicly cuckolded by a woman who is more Goddess than Human, but hey, plenty of us have been there.
But since that time – which was, it’s worth remembering, way back in 2005 – the world has generously held a grudge for Jennifer Aniston, and along with being ‘on her side’, we have been very happy to view a woman who has everything as someone to be pitied for one simple reason: She hadn’t married again.
Never mind the fact that she is an intelligent and beautiful woman who is completely in control of her life and her $150million fortune.
Never mind the fact that she has been doubtless having some very excellent sex for the last 10 years with some interesting, charismatic men from Vince Vaughan to John Mayer to Justin Theroux. (Think about it, do any of those choices of lover scream “I’m desperate to settle down” to you?)
Never mind the fact that she seems to spend half the year in a bikini in the kind of luxurious Mexican resort that most of us could only visit if they hired us as a chamber maid.
Never mind the fact that she owns her own production company, has won a Golden Globe and is an ambassador for 19 charities, many of which work with disadvantaged children.
Never mind the fact that she has a gaggle of supertight girlfriends who would make Taylor Swift jealous, and seems to be best mates with every cool comedian from Jimmy Kimmel to Chelsea Handler to Sacha Baron Cohen.
No, never mind all that. It have just been terrible to be Jennifer Aniston because… she wasn’t married.
Thank god she’s married now (Video via Entertainment Tonight.):
Well, phew. On Wednesday night, Jennifer Aniston invited all her cool friends to a big party and ticked that box, and we can all relax, comfortable in the knowledge that our expectations have been met, a fairytale finish is in the can, and everything is right with the world.
But if Jen isn’t rushing out her wedding pictures for our enjoyment we can hardly blame her. She’s doubtless sick to death of the public’s patronising pity, and doesn’t think we deserve a look at whatever stunning frock the paparazzi helicopters couldn’t see from space.
Still, congratulations, Jen, we can all stop worrying about you now.
Oh, wait, no. We can’t get off her back at all. She still hasn’t had a baby.
Shit. We’d better start again.
Click through for a gallery of Jennifer and Justin…
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux.
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How did Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux keep their wedding a secret?
Why is everyone so surprised Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are getting a divorce?
Top Comments
Interesting how people about Aniston continually being referred to as unlucky in love and being pitied, yet people contine the drama by promoting the myth that Brad cheated, when it was proven long ago that he did not. Aniston was not 'cuckolded' at all - publicly or privately. Rather, she moved on to Vince Vaughn, then 5 weeks later, Brad chased Angelina to the other side of the world.
It is also interesting how, ironic it is that the myth of the affair is still perpetuated yet there is mysteriously no mention of the fact that Aniston is a home wrecker who 'stole' Justin from his partner of 14 years, Heidi Bivens, who he lived with and owned an apartment with for several years. Despite Aniston and Theroux publicly denying they were an item, Aniston seduced him on set and introduced him to her friends as her boyfriend, while he was still living with Heidi. When news of the affair broke, a devastated Heidi Bivens fled the apartment. That weekend, Aniston and Theroux went public. Aniston then made it worse, by spitefully flaunting it in Heidi's face, by releasing an intimate photoshoot with her and Justin done by Terry Richardson, less than *one week* after Heidi fled the apartment. Talk about missing a sensitivity chip! And that, from a woman who spent 6 years throwing her ex under the bus and letting people think an affair happened, for sympathy and attention, and to turn around and inflict that pain on another woman? I just can't even.... Why does this woman get a pass for everything? She is a heartless home wrecker who flaunted it in poor Heidi's face and rubbed her face in it, yet everyone is, 'oh, how sweet!'. I'm sorry, but your happiness should not come at the expense of an innocent woman. Aniston and Theroux deserve the doubts and the cheating by each that will no doubt come. After all, if you cheat with a cheater, you *get* a cheater.
There was plenty of evidence to suggest Pitt and Jolie were having an affair, even if they denied it. Of course none of us can be sure but it looked a tad suspicious the way the timing worked out. Of course we don't have definite evidence, but I think we could say the same about your dirt on aniston and Justin, it's rumour too.
I've only personally only seen aniston say something bad about pitt/Jolie once, and that was when she said what Jolie said wasn't cool, referring to Jolie saying they fell in love when she was making mr and mrs smith, and that was when Pitt and aniston were married, so I can understand aniston saying that extremely mild rebuke. Aniston has been asked about a million times about the whole thing and her answers are nearly always trying to change the subject or saying the bare minimum to satisfy the reporters, the only other thing I recall was early in the piece she said Pitt was the love of life and I think fairly valid thing to say seeing she was newly divorced and heartbroken, beyond that in every interview I have seen she has tried to move on, saying oh that's a long time ago etc.
I am not team aniston or team Jolie, I have no idea what truly goes on in their private lives. I am only making all these points because I don't like the half informed comments you have made here about aniston. I would stick up for Jolie too if you made the same misinformed comments.
All I can say I hope that all of them are happy. I'm glad to hear that Jen is married, not because she needs to be married, but just because love is a nice thing. And because every time I've seen her with Justin she looks at him with such affection.
Jolie has had some horrible health problems in recent years not too mention that she seemed devastated by her mums death, so I hope she and Pitt are happy too.
Now all I want is to see Jen's dress!
Um, sorry, but there was zero evidence. That is the point. Zero evidence, whatsoever. It seems you haven't been following her interviews, because she has mocked carrying on twin on each hip (GQ interview), made a point about laughing about a cartoon depicting herself shooting Angelina (same interview as the 'uncool' quote, Vogue, 2008 - which, btw, had nothing to do with Angelina saying she fell in love on set. Angelina never said such a thing. She said she enjoyed working with the weapons and the cameradie on set with everyone. That is ALL she said, and Aniston knew it, but she twisted it to get in an attack, and then denied she said it and blamed the Editor. Oprah called her out on her lie. Now Vogue will never have Aniston on their cover again because of Aniston's lie), and many other times where she made passive-aggressive attacks on Brad (my 30's sucked) and continued to bring up the issue of the divorce for attention and sympathy. She also hired Chelsea Handler to be an attack dog, and she walked on stage, right on cue, grinning like a cheshire cat - on TWO separate occasions - after Handler introed Aniston by calling Angelina names as well as a C U next tuesday, and racially mocking her children. Aniston has also coat-tailed (some say stalked) the JPs and releases info to coincide with some JP event. E.g Her dog norman died, the one she had when she lived with Pitt. She waited 2 months, and then released a press statement on the day Brad had a big Oscar movie he was co-producing, premiere.
You don't seem to be informed on the extent that Aniston has gone to over a decade to disparage and attack and feed the vendetta against Angelina, so you have no right to talk about half informed comments, especially since you think there was 'plenty of evidence' Brad and Angelina cheated, despite there none at all. Don't shoot the messenger. I have followed this for a decade, you haven't. The fact of the matter is Aniston is a vengeful passive-aggressive master manipulator who references Brad/her divorce in almost every single interview she has done, for pity and sympathy. Last example was her Oscar bid, where she brought up Brad herself, out of the blue. You clearly aren't aware she does it. She has full copy approval (as stated by her own publicist) and is powerful enough that if she doesn't want a question even asked, it won't be. She brings up Brad all the time, of her own volition. Also, her agent Stephen Huvane has been caught out phoning in articles to tabloids against Angelina, and articles promoting Aniston and stories, to get her in the tabloids, only to call back and deny. How do we know it was him. He has been busted on at least 2 occasions by a tabloid - the calls to and from, came from his phone line.
Sorry, but you don't seem informed in Aniston's coat-tailing vendetta she has waged against Brad and Angelina for 10 years. Do your research on her, she really has tried to destroy them for a decade with the help of Huvane, Handler, and the public who bought her phony persona.
Ok, so she didn't get together with Vaughn until they filmed The Break-Up - she laughed about the fact she had been offered that film after being in one of the world's biggest media-covered break ups (poor phrasing, I do realise this). She never threw Pitt under the bus, the worst she said was "That was uncool" when Jolie made comments about not being able to wait to go to work - confirming inappropriate relationship occurring while Jen was married to Brad. Jolie has also stated that she thinks it'll be cool to show their kids "the film that their parents fell in love making". Sorry, never been proven that Pitt didn't cheat.
Actually, she did. She was filming TBU while Brad and Angelina were wrapping up filming and she had the script a year before that, before filming began. And yes, she has thrown Brad under the bus for 10 years. First in VF article where she mocked Brad and said she was 'only 2%' to blame. That, is throwing under the bus, in any one's language. She went on to say "I was shocked, the WORLD was shocked", making herself a victim and Brad the bad guy. She said her 30's sucked, and she has made mention of him and/or the divorce in almost every interview since 2005. Also, Angelina's comments were about using weapons, Angelina said she loved using the weapons and the cameraderie on set. So no, it did not 'confirm' that anything inappropriate happened, only that Angelina loved playing with the guns and weapons. No mention of Brad, Aniston knew this, which is why is backtracked and was called out for lying. If you think that was the worst, you clearly didn't know Aniston laughed at a cartoon of her shooting Angelina, mocking her children and then joking about having a twin on each hip, her 30s (when she was with Brad sucked) I could go on and on. And that isn't to mention her hiring Chelsea Hander and walking on stage on cue - on 2 separate occasions, after Handler introed her by viciously attacking Angelina and making racist comments about her adopted children.
Sorry, but you evidently don't know the extent of Aniston's passive-aggressive vendetta against Angelina and Brad. And you have Angelina's quote all wrong. This is what she said: (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/... ‘They’re going to have a great laugh – to see when their parents actually met, and watch them fall in love and try to kill each other! Ergo, she was talking about the CHARACTERS, Mr and Mrs Smith. Who fell in love, got married, and we hired as assassins to kill each other. Unless you think Brad and Angelina tried to kill each other in real life? She was not talking about her and Brad, she was talking about the characters. I have followed this extensively for 10 years, there isn't an argument I haven't heard and as I said, there is not one sliver of evidence that they cheated, on the contrary. Cox said they didn't, Aniston later admitted (after fanning the flames of 'team Jen') that no affair happened, people on set said nothing happened, and Brad is well-respected by his peers as a stand-up guy, and they all support him and Angelina and have said that Brad is loyal and respected. Plus, Aniston herself as we find out, not only cheated on Brad with Matt Leblanc when she was married, she turned around and did the same thing to Heidi Bivens, after feigning hurt and shock. If she was cheated on, she would never have done that to another woman. Proof in itself that no affair happened.
Loved this article - just the right amount of eye-rolling!