'I’ve been a solo foster carer for 7 years. Here's what I wish people knew.'

Thanks to our brand partner, Fostering Connections

If you've ever thought, "it takes a special kind of human to be a foster carer", you're in good company. But Jenna Davey-Burns, a solo foster carer (and the Mayor of the City of Kingston in Melbourne), has a different take.

"You don't have to be exceptional to do this," she told me.

And while you might be tempted to file Jenna's story away in that "exceptional human box", you'd be missing the point.

"I do get that all the time," she said, referring to the classic, "I don't know how she does it" attitude often directed at high-achieving women.

"And I think, sure, but imagine if we all just did a little bit — imagine what that would be like."

After seven years and having cared for nearly 50 different kids, ranging from 18 months to 18 years old, it's safe to say Jenna knows just how badly the community needs foster carers.

While working with an Aboriginal women's legal service, Jenna saw how many children are still being removed from their homes, especially in Aboriginal communities.

"It's a very distinct memory for me. My colleague came in after Christmas and she was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said, 'About four of my clients had their children removed over Christmas.'"

While some cases are unavoidable, Jenna saw first-hand how preventable many could be when families are given the right support.

"I chose to become a foster carer because I wanted to actually be part of making a positive change. I wanted to be part of the solution," Jenna told me.

These kids need our help, now. 

Jenna said that in Victoria, there aren't enough foster carers to fulfill the need.

"So, what that means is that kids are ending up in residential care or in hotels with workers and they end up more traumatised, and it becomes harder for them to return to their families," she explained.

Jenna works closely with Fostering Connections, a state-wide foster care recruitment service supported by the Victorian Government. The service collaborates with foster agencies across the state, supporting foster carers and connecting them with the right agencies in their area.

"They're doing really important work," said Jenna. "They're a great team to talk to if you're wondering, how do I become a foster carer? What does it look like? What do I do if I'm ready to take that next step? How do I find the right agency? How do I choose? They do an exceptional job."

Foster carers are not 'foster parents'.

Because she doesn't have children, Jenna said people often assume she became a foster carer to fulfil a desire to grow a family. But this simply isn't the case.

It's a common misconception that foster caring is a substitute for parenting, but Jenna said, "Foster care is actually about the standard we set of who we are as a community. I'm there as the auntie. I'm there as the friend of the family, or however you want to see it — just holding space for them until [the kids] can go home."

Foster caring is full of unexpected joys.

While foster care is undoubtedly about helping others, Jenna can list countless ways it has changed her for the better.

"It's made me a better person. I can pull out my foster training in situations that you'd find very unexpected, like in the workplace," she explained.

"It's made me more self-aware and better at regulating my own emotions. I've become kinder and more patient through foster care, so that's been an incredible gift."

Foster caring can fit into your lifestyle.

After caring for three kids full-time during COVID-19 lockdowns, Jenna took about a year off fostering.

"I had a break. I think that's the main message I want to share with people — that fostering can look however you need it to look. I've done full-time fostering, I've done respite, I've done holiday placements and I've taken a year off and didn't do any fostering at all," she explained.

You can also decide which age groups you're happy to work with, and for how long.

You can see the difference you're making.

Jenna is practically bursting with stories about the positive impact she has seen in the lives of kids who have walked through her doors.

"It's gifted me so many moments — knowing that I've planted incredible little seeds that maybe one day will be the moment that pivots their lives."

Like the young girl who stayed with Jenna for 18 months. "She came home one day from school and was like, 'I ran for school captain today,' and I was in the middle of my council campaign and she said, 'You know, I've been watching you do it and I thought… well, I can do it too.'"

Kids thrive if they're given space to be themselves.

"The big thing is creating a space of no judgment and having a willingness to listen and learn," said Jenna.

"A lot of my placements have been Aboriginal placements, because I have worked in the Aboriginal sector for about 10 years or so. If you've got kids from other cultural backgrounds, the main thing is being aware of your own cultural bias. You don't have to know the answers to everything."

Jenna has also had the privilege of supporting kids as they discover their gender identity. She's intentional in building a safe and non-judgmental environment, displaying small symbols of acceptance such as rainbow flags in the kids' bedroom.

Jenna remembers one child who was really struggling with their identity. "After a week or two, they approached me and said, 'I saw the flags, I feel really safe here, I want to talk to you about these feelings,' and they've gone on that journey. So, I think the big thing is, don't assume, don't judge and just listen," she said.

It will show you the best of humanity.

Jenna firmly believes, "The standard of how we care for all children is the standard of who we are as a community." And fostering has shown her just how much love and support is out there when you need it.

"People's generosity blows me away. It's so incredibly touching to know how much people care." While Jenna had three kids in her care, a local mum would drop by every Tuesday with a basket full of homemade food. "There were little post-it notes on each little container telling me how to cook it all," she told me, smiling.

If you want to know more about becoming a foster carer, Jenna said the best thing you can do is reach out to an organisation like Fostering Connections and learn more about it.

Her best advice? If you're nervous, take things one step at a time.

"I would say just do the training, have a think about it and just be ready for it when it might suit you, because you don't have to be exceptional to do this. Everyone can give it a go; everyone should give it a go."

Explore Fostering Connections to find the right foster care agency for you, or speak to a foster care specialist on 1800 013 088.

Feature Image: Supplied.

Fostering Connections is the state-wide foster care recruitment service supported by the Victorian Government. To find out more about becoming a foster carer visit www.fosteringconnections.com.au or call 1800 013 088.