Radio legend and media personality, Jackie 'O' Henderson, has finally released her memoir into the world — and its pages tell some intense stories.
In her highly anticipated book The Whole Truth, the radio giant speaks openly about her career and relationships, along with writing candidly about her private battle with drug addiction.
Jackie's addiction to prescription drugs would lead her to check into the Betty Ford Clinic in Palm Springs.
"I'll be spending 28 days on its 28-acre campus. I've voluntarily enrolled in a 12 step program to treat the substance, dependence, and drug addiction I've been able to keep secret for three long and painful years," she wrote in her new book.
But aside from the reflections on her career and addiction, the radio host shared some rather upsetting revelations about her 15-year marriage to British photographer Lee Henderson, which ended in 2018.
They share a daughter together, Kitty, who is now 13 years old.
Jackie wrote that when she met Lee she was immediately intimated, even pretending she was proficient in French in order to impress him.
"He didn't catch me out in that white lie but I look back now and realise what a mistake that was, to be anything other than myself from the beginning. Those kinds of things, even on a small scale, set you up on a shaky foundation," she said.
Watch Jackie O and her daughter Kitty's viral moment with Mister Lewis.
The host wrote that she should've seen the 'tiny red flags' early on but didn't, because she just wanted to make Lee happy.
"Lee was judgemental, for instance, in small but immediate ways," Jackie wrote. For example, she had dreamt of buying a white BMW just like supermodel Elle Macpherson, but Lee said he would leave her if she bought anything that 'tacky'.
In response, Jackie bought a car her partner approved of.
She praised Lee for cheerleading her career, giving her great advice and helping her with business decisions.
She says they had half a year of married bliss following their wedding, where they were "happy, aligned and equal" but it would routinely come crashing down. Throughout the book, she spoke of highs and lows across their 15 year marriage.Ultimately, the couple rarely addressed underlying issues in their marriage. "We both got used to living with elephants in every room," she said of their relationship.
One such 'issue' was Jackie's weight and the way her husband spoke about it.
The 49-year-old wrote that after she put on weight after their daughter Kitty was born, their marriage started to lack intimacy as her self-esteem continued to plummet.
"My weight has always fluctuated a little. And whenever I added kilograms in my marriage, it was never tiptoed around, it was told," she said.
"Sometimes he would wrap an arm around me and grab. 'Look at that,' he'd say as a joke, but I wondered if it really was. It was the worst possible hangup to target because weight had always been an issue for me."
Jackie recalled one specific memory of getting changed in their walk-in wardrobe when Lee walked past. "I caught him looking at me in the mirror with an expression of disdain or disgust. I'll never forget that look," she wrote.
Even before her marriage to Lee, Jackie had learned some harmful lessons about her weight and dieting from her mother, Julie.
"Mum is one of my favourite people in the world, but my looks were always important to her. I've almost never had a choice but to place this skewed value on my appearance because I'd get comments and praise when I looked good and when I didn't get comments, I knew what it meant," she said.
"I felt I was loved more when I looked good."
She remembers receiving beauty products for her birthday from the age of seven, and being on a fruit-only diet when she was still young.
"I've always been on a diet, and when I wasn't, I was binge-eating. Constantly making and then breaking a new rule about food," she wrote.
These 'rules' led her to extreme measures, such as setting her alarm for 5am so she could get up and make herself toast despite her mother discouraging her from eating bread.
This would carry into her later years. Before her wedding to Lee, she lost substantial weight as she had a photoshoot for an underwear brand.
"I was so insecure and I quite literally starved myself for those photographs. I lost seven kilos in a matter of weeks, following a simple and strict regime [that could] probably count as self-abuse. I would exercise, have a glass of wine and cigarettes, and eat nothing," she wrote.
"Thank god I have a healthy relationship with my body now and would never behave like that. But I was down to what I thought at the time was the perfect weight. Kyle [Sandilands] said I looked like a chicken carcass walking down the aisle."
Jackie admits that the commentary from her mother in her younger years impacted what she would tolerate in her marriage.
"I think that's why I accepted those kinds of comments from Lee, and ended up in another relationship that placed such high value on my appearance," she wrote.
"There was even one time he suggested I go get a full body scan because he thought I was obese. I went and got one — dutiful little Jackie going… to see how much excess body fat I was carrying. And I wasn't obese."
Reflecting on her divorce from Lee, she said that while she considers her ex-husband to be a great father to Kitty, they were no longer salvageable as a couple.
"Lee sometimes said things in front of Kitty that were derogatory about me, putting me down. And I said to him one day… 'When Kitty is grown up one day… and her boyfriend speaks to her that way, would you be okay with that? I know you wouldn't. And you can't let her see that as the way she should be treated.' But nothing really changed," she wrote.
"He was an incredible father but we were no longer an incredible couple, and I couldn't let her grow up thinking this was how a healthy relationship looks. It was too detrimental."
The final straw came when Jackie was watching an episode of The Good Wife and she realised she wasn't happy to arrive home and see Lee's car in the garage. She said this was 'her answer' about whether or not she should leave her marriage."I'd get home each day and I just did not want to walk into the energy I knew was waiting inside," Jackie recalled. Jackie admitted the couple separated slowly so Kitty could get used to it. "Moving on is one thing," she wrote.
"Finding your new normal takes a lot longer."
The Whole Truth by Jackie O is on sale now.
If you or anyone you know needs support for eating disorders, please contact the Butterfly Foundation National Support Line and online service 1800 ED HOPE (1800 33 4673) or email .Feature image: Getty
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