'People are calling Longlegs the scariest film of the year. It's part of a bigger problem.'

Horror fans will know that the genre is one that comes with trends. Every so often, a horror movie comes along and changes the game, setting the course for the next decade. After this game-changing film will inevitably come a number of movies that aim to recreate the success of the initial film. But whether they live up to the standard set by the first one, well, it's hit or miss.

Some quick examples to help set the scene: Scream was released in 1996 and was quickly credited with saving the horror genre. It didn't just spawn a number of direct sequels, though — it created a boom for teen slashers with ironic, meta commentary. Think Urban Legend, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Valentine, Cherry Falls... The success of Scream even brought Michael Myers out of retirement for Halloween: H20.

Or we could talk about 2004's Saw, which gave us a boom of ultra-gory 'torture porn' horror films like Hostel, Martyrs, and The Human Centipede. 

We could talk about the 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which brought about House of Wax, The Amityville Horror, Friday the 13th, Rob Zombie's Halloween reboot… the list goes on (and on. And on...).

For the past decade, we've been in a boom of ultra-stylish cerebral horror films. Perhaps you've heard the term 'elevated horror' — think The Babadook, Get Out, The Witch, Hereditary. It's not exactly a sub-genre of horror, as such, in the same way that you can label slashers or supernatural horror movies, given that they don't have an overarching theme tying them together. But many of these films have been lumped together for being horror movies that make you think. Typically, elevated horror is artfully shot, features great performances, and often has social commentary woven into the plot.

It's been a contentious term in the horror fandom, as longtime horror fans will tell you that the genre has always been in conversation with real-life societal fears and issues, and many will argue that the term 'elevated horror' is elitist and exclusionary to the rest of the genre.

But I digress. Let's talk about Longlegs.

Written and directed by Oz Perkins, Longlegs follows FBI agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe) as she solves a series of cryptic occult clues in pursuit of Longlegs (Nicolas Cage), a serial killer behind a series of family annihilation murders.

Watch the trailer for Longlegs. Post continues below.

I went into the cinema not knowing anything about Longlegs except that it was extremely buzzy, and supposedly one of the scariest movies of the year so far. In recent years, I've been trying to avoid horror trailers and marketing as much as possible, because I've found that they often show far too much in the trailer, and I'd prefer not to have half the film's most climactic moments spoiled before I've even reached the cinema, you know? 

The point is, I had no idea what to expect, but I did expect to be thrilled and scared.

I... wasn't.

Look. I'm not a Longlegs hater, by any means. I thought it was good, even! I thought it looked fabulous, I thought Maika Monroe and Nicolas Cage gave great performances. But was I terrified? No. Was I obsessed? Also no. Somehow, without even seeing the trailer, my expectations had been set too high, and I was disappointed. 

"I don't even know if I really understood that," I said to my friend as the credits rolled. But the real problem was, I didn't know that I cared enough to think it through.

Maybe it just wasn't for me, and that's fine. Or maybe I'm a dummy. It's possible! I'm certainly not a film critic. But as I left the cinema, all I could think was, "Ugh, I just want slashers to come back." 

And before you say it, I know slashers are still around. But with Scream being a legacy franchise now, it's a sub-genre that could do with an overhaul; a new film for 2024 that's as heart-pounding, clever and fresh as Scream was in 1996.

I'm sick of horror movies forcing me to think about what it all really means. And sure, it's nice when a horror movie looks beautiful, but you know what's more important for a horror movie? Being SCARY. I mean, call me crazy (my therapy bills would help make your case for you), but I don't think that's too much to ask, right??? If NOTHING ELSE, all I want is the knowledge that when I go to a horror movie, I'm going to be scared. If you call something a horror movie, I would like to be horrified. Please, just let me have this.

Psychological dramas either need to stop masquerading as 'My Next Horror Obsession' or start adding more actual horror into the mix.

From where I'm sitting, it appears we've settled into a place where we're being forced to accept psychological dramas being sold to us as ~elevated horror~. These movies have their place, but elevated horror should still be horror. Get Out was scary! Hereditary was scary! But Longlegs is not, and I won't pretend it is.

In these trying times, I am constantly being forced to endure the real-life horror of thinking about the world we live in. 

All I want is to go to the cinema, sit down for a horror movie, feel the suspense of a killer lurking, and then see some characters work together to try to take him/her down. I want to leave the cinema knowing exactly what happened, feeling the aftereffects of all the blood-pumping adrenaline of a good chase scene. I don't want to leave the cinema with homework.

So please, horror movies, this is my plea: stop making me think. Just scare me and send me on my way. It's all I want.

Feature Image: Neon.

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