'I expect my partner to please me. But I refuse to have sex, and hate blow jobs.'

“I f**king hate it. I’ve never enjoyed cramming a penis in my mouth.”

These are the loaded words that begin Allison Stevenson’s article, published on VICE. She’s very honest when she says her distaste for performing blowjobs is not because she thinks they are ugly. They aren’t. She doesn’t hate them, or sexual intercourse, or foreplay. She just doesn’t like putting a penis in her mouth.

Allison has recently started seeing a man who comes over once a week to “eat her out.”

And the furthest she will go in reciprocating that kind of intimacy? A good ol’ pat on the back after he’s done. No sex. And definitely no blowjobs.

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Allison is frank and upfront:

Since starting things with him, I have resolved to never suck a dick again. I have also resolved to refuse getting romantically involved with any man who doesn’t want to eat me out. Even if he has passwords for both Netflix and Foxtel, I will still find the strength in me to call it quits if he can’t put his mouth down there.

The question being raised here is a fairly simple one: Is this fair? 

Is it fair to expect sexual favours when they are not being returned in the same way? How does that effect the balance in a relationship? In short, can women ask for cake and have it eaten too?

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Allison Stevenson AKA our Possible New Life Guru says that her decision to stop giving head is perfectly fine. For one simple reason.

Am I being selfish? Probably. But I don’t care. In fact, I firmly believe this perceived selfishness is owed to me. This selfishness comes from many years of having sexual encounters with men who rarely ate me out. If they did, all but two or three of them never bothered to do it long enough for me to actually come.

Bingo.

You see, Allison, like many of the world's population of women, freely admits she has given blowjobs in the past because she felt it was somehow necessary. A part of the sexual experience. And god knows some men feel like its owed to them if they go down on you.

But here's the thing: nobody owes anyone anything.

Some men enjoy having a woman sit on their face. Some women would rather be tied up and spanked. The sexual flavour is constantly changing (and always unique), and so shouldn't what's considered "necessary" also change?

Between 50-70% of women can't orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Allison is one of these women. So is she really selfish if she's asking for the one thing that will get her off? And saying 'No' to the one thing that turns her off?

She sums up her past fears and new-found denial of the BJ like this.

Look, I know that my years of being denied oral sex is my fault too. I was a different person then. I never asked for what I wanted, because I worried it would make me seem less attractive. It's something a lot of women feel, that it's more important to fulfil a man's desires over our own. You know, in order to "keep him." Even the most headstrong, self-reliant, progressive women fall victim to this line of thinking. I have finally been able to fully shed myself of my meekness when it comes to sex and I know now that I can not only demand what I want but also deny what I don't want: blowjobs.

As in all cases of public debate, Allison's article has had mixed reviews.

Some are taking their hats off to her.

While others have ridiculed her.

Is it just a case of fairness? Isn't a woman being clear about what she wants the ideal - and their partner can decide to stay or not?

Is there an expectation of give and take - or are we just redressing an age-old orgasmic imbalance?

Leave all your thoughts on orgasmic fairness in the comments.