“We adopted two children from overseas. And it was the hardest – and best – thing we’ve ever done.”

An honest look at the adoption process (from someone who has been there).

For Kathryn Stokes and her husband Craig, the decision to adopt was easy.

Unfortunately, the adoption process wasn’t as simple.

The couple were unable to have children biologically, and in January 2008 they submitted their application to adopt a child from Thailand.

It took almost an entire year for that application to be approved by the state government after months of workshops, police checks and physical and mental health assessments.

Then, in December 2008, their file was sent to Thailand – and that’s when the real waiting period began.

Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by Intercountry Adoption Australia . But all opinions expressed by the author are 100% authentic and written in their own words.

“We got a big fat silence for a long time… it felt like an eternity,” Ms Stokes said.

It didn’t help that within that waiting period the couple moved interstate from South Australia to Sydney, meaning they had to be re-approved by the NSW Government.

But finally, after two years and 10 months, they got the call they had been waiting for. They had been matched with not one, but two children – a brother and sister, aged seven and five.

What followed was a freshly-agonising three-month wait before they were finally able to travel to Thailand to see their children, Flynn and Archiraya, for the first time.

“It was the most euphoric moment when they walked into the room and we saw big beaming smiles on their faces – they came straight over and hugged us,” she said.

“Without a doubt it has been the most amazing thing we have ever done, both individually and as a couple. I imagine they will absolutely be the greatest achievement in our lives and we love them more than anything else. They are beautiful kids.”

Ms Stokes said the children took a few months to settle in and readjust to their new lives and family once they arrived in Australia.

“It’s a grieving process; they are leaving behind everything they have ever known, and that can be terrifying,” she said.

Just over three years later though, the kids are now happy and much-loved members of their family, local community and schools – and Ms Stokes is adamant that the adoption process was completely worthwhile.

“I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything by not having children biologically – that’s how much I believe in adoption. I feel completely fulfilled…the feelings are so deep,” Ms Stokes said.

While the adoption waiting period was long and stressful, Ms Stokes said it was necessary to ensure that children were protected and that The Hague Convention was adhered to.

She said another justifiable reason why the waiting period can be so lengthy is because overseas adoptive parents are only considered once it is clear that the child’s biological parents or extended family can’t care for them and when it is not possible for them to be adopted within their birth country.

However, Ms Stokes said more support was needed for people going through the intercountry adoption process.

“We didn’t have anyone holding our hand…we just muddled our way through it. Support groups are an incredible resource, and in the end, other adoptive families are the best support systems for other families,” she said.

When it comes to intercountry adoption, every family and every child is different. While some adopted children want to remain connected to their birth country and family, others may reject their past, depending on their childhood experiences.

For now, Ms Stokes and her husband are committed to being open and honest with Flynn and Archiraya about their story and they plan to travel back to Thailand as a family in future – if the children decide that’s what they want.

She said her family, friends and community have been overwhelmingly supportive and that in the end, all the stress and heartache has paid off.

“Sometimes, people say how lucky the kids are to have us as parents. But we’re the ones who are lucky to have them,” she said.

Have you or someone you know had any experience with intercountry adoption? How did you find the process? 

Want more? How about:

From India, With Love – Latika Bourke’s adoption journey.

OPINION: Children in orphanages need overseas adoption.

Giving a child from overseas a new home here in Australia is a life-changing decision, and there are many things to consider before deciding whether intercountry adoption is for you.
Intercountry Adoption Australia has been established to guide people through the intercountry adoption process and connect them to a range of resources and services.
Call the information line on 1800 197 760, open 9am-5pm, Monday to Friday, across Australia or visit www.intercountryadoption.gov.au