By Sarah Fader, for Ravishly.
I need to get laid on a regular basis or I will lose my fucking shit.
I’m a 36-year-old woman and I’m an extremely sexual person.
I’ve always been this way, even as a teenager. I appreciate sex and the intimacy that goes along with it. I love a good orgasm and I especially enjoy being on top. I’m not afraid to discuss sex from a female perspective.
Enter slut-shaming. If a woman displays an outward interest in liking sex, she is automatically labeled promiscuous.
In reality, there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex. In fact, sex is an essential part of life — not just for procreation, but for fun.
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Let’s add another complicated layer to this cake: I’m a woman, but also a single mum. Society dictates that I should be focusing 100 percent of my time and energy on my children, my babies.
Let’s get two things straight:
I love my children with all my heart and soul.
I need to get laid on a regular basis or I will lose my fucking shit.
Sex (and especially good sex) is an integral part of being a human being, mum or not. Being a mum and enjoying sex are not mutually exclusive. I can have the identity of “mum” and also be a sexual being.
(For the record, the term MILF — not into it. It’s an offensive and unnecessary term, undoubtedly created by men to show that a mom who still likes to have sex is a fetishized outlier, an exception to the “rule” that women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex.)
We’ve been made to believe that all men like sex and that women shouldn’t talk about it. Well — I feel strange even writing this — I like to wake up in the morning, climb on top of my sexual partner, and ride him.
Does that make you uncomfortable? Well, I have news for you: There is nothing wrong with that. I (nor anyone else, for that matter) should be labeled a “slut” or a “whore” — I’m simply a human who likes to orgasm.
Still, I hesitate to discuss my love of sex with certain people, the ones I feel will judge me. With my guy friends, I can openly say, “Man, I need to get laid,” and we’ll have a mutual laugh. I won’t be having sex with them, for the record. But we do commiserate on having sex — or not.
However, there are only a handful of female friends witch whom I can candidly discuss my love of sex. I’ve had female friends question my sex life before.
One friend asked, “But if you have sex with a man, won’t you automatically get attached to him?”
No.
To have sex with anyone, I need to feel an intellectual connection with that person. I can’t have sex with a man who has no brain. But, as far as the longevity of the relationship, we’ll see where it goes. Just because I’ve had sex with you does not mean we have to get married. This is not the 1950s.
I want to be able to freely express my sexuality without being judged by anyone, of any gender. I just wonder — is this possible?
This story by Sarah Fader originally appeared on Ravishly, a feminist news+culture website.