Don't judge me, but... I wish I were a single mum.

This reader’s story shows that getting married for a baby is NOT always the right thing to do…

I love my husband, I adore my newborn, but I’m secretly dreaming of a time machine that I could use to go back to the moment when we had the pregnancy test in our hands.

I would have said “thank you, and no thank you”.

I admit it, it was stupid and got pregnant at the wrong moment. We were both living at home, he has a terrible job and I’m still a student. We were as safe as we could be but it didn’t work. We got pregnant and discovered it within five weeks.

My moral compass pointed to: “if you get burned, you sit on the blisters”. So I would never have an abortion just because we failed in being safe enough.

He forced himself into it, while I saw my dream of the perfect life fade. The life of having a real wedding, a home of our own and then the little bub. Now he is getting deeper and deeper into a depression and I feel alone.

We agreed to marry for our baby, to give the child the opportunity to have two nationalities. We had spoken about getting married and having children, but all in the future.

We had to find a place to live and settled on living with his parents. They had a spare room with enough space for the three of us. It is a gorgeous room and we had a little renovation to make it baby proof. We married while I had a massive pregnant belly and our baby is now three weeks. Our child is the most beautiful tiny being I have ever seen.

I love my husband, I like his parents and like their cats. But I’m half Latin and love cuddles and attention and talking about nothing.

My husband is a colder type, he gives us a kiss, goes to work, comes home and sits behind his computer, while I have been at home with only his mother to talk to. After his time behind the desk we eat and then he goes to sleep.

His mother is colder than he is, I can’t talk or express myself around her and even though she kept saying she would only be a grandmother, she bugs in every way possible about how I’m being a mother.

She always ignores my requests, I asked her not to smoke near my child but she still does, and she keeps giving me tips or expects me to do things her way.

She says I shouldn’t carry my child for too long or I will spoil them, I must lay the baby in the crib when they fall asleep. I should not let the bub get used to the dummy, I should stop breastfeeding and give the child “normal” food. The list goes on.

My husband knows about all of it and only gives me the answer of: "Sorry, but I can't fix that. I have enough things on my mind right now."

I do not have a lot of friends, even less if you count the ones I could actually talk to about the situation.

I'm alone with a beauty in my arms.

I wish I were a single mum, at my parents' home. I wouldn't feel like this, I feel like I'm holding my husband back in his future and I'm slowly becoming more isolated.

I wish I were a single mum. My parents do not give advice on how to raise a child, they just want to hug my baby.

I would only be a new mum, and just like any other new mother. Scared about every little cry and learning to be a mother on her own.

I would dress the child to my taste and feed the child to my wishes. I resent the coming weeks because I will have to leave my little baby in her hands when I go to study. The baby is the only thing I have right now keeping me positive.

I wish I were back at that Friday when we discovered the pregnancy. I would have hugged him, thanked him for the little baby and said good bye. I would have been myself and he would have been himself.

I would ask for nothing, no money, no clothing or any other thing that I might need as a mother for my baby. We would have gone our own ways. I would be a happy mummy and he would be free.

Am I wrong for thinking about it? Am I a spoiled little brat who isn't happy with what she has? How would you have done it?

If, like this reader, you have a dilemma that you would like advice about, please email info@themotherish.com with Don't Judge Me in the subject field. You will be contacted before publication, and your identity will be protected.

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