I wish someone had told me this back in the days I exhausted myself trying to rescue my relationship. Back in the days I prayed and prayed and begged and begged to not lose who I believed to be the ‘love of my life.’
Anyone who has fallen for a narcissist is no stranger to their emotionally covert truth.
And because of this, we focus heavily on injustice. The craziness of the world knowing one charming individual while we know a second more ruthless version.
How to know if you actually love the person you’re with. Post continues below.
Why can’t everyone see it?
We fool ourselves into believing this is the illicit deception. This is the secret. This is the mystery of narcissism.
And in our defence, it is.
But narcissists hide an even deeper and darker secret from those who love them. Had I discovered this veiled truth, I know with certainty I would have fled sooner.
I concentrated so much on the narcissist and the duality of their personality it left little time for myself. That is, except for the moments of anguish, counselling, and tear-soaked pillows.
The counsellor urged me to focus on myself.
And I listened. I respected him. I knew he was correct.
Yet I had spent my life as a tenacious fixer. Which meant my resolutions of self-protection and boundaries scattered the moment I walked out of those appointments.
I simply couldn’t put myself first.
Saving my relationship was far more important.
I alternated between trying to convince my husband to continue in counselling, yelling words I now care to forget and urging people to understand my truth.
All in all unbelievably exhausting and completely ineffective.
No one cared.
My husband certainly didn’t and neither did those who found it impossible to believe my reality. This super handsome, successful, charming guy was awesome. The life of the party. The good guy.