Suicide is the leading cause of death in young people. This is how to talk to someone who might need help.

This post mentions suicide and could be triggering for some readers.

Although in Australia, the largest number of suicides occur in middle-aged men, what a lot of people don’t realise is that self-harm is actually the leading cause of death in young people. And, suicide rates in young people have been steadily increasing in recent years. In 2021 alone, 434 young people aged 24 and younger lost their lives to suicide and we know many more had suicidal thoughts.

People also tend to think of suicide as a male problem but unfortunately what we are also seeing is increasing suicide rates in young females. Rates are also particularly high in First Nations young people and queer young people. 

What are the signs that someone might be suicidal? 

Everyone is different but some typical warning signs include low mood, perhaps changes in everyday habits like sleep patterns, appetite and alcohol consumption, as well as decreased motivation to do things like socialising, exercising, keeping up with work and so on. 

Other signs may be more obvious, like someone starting to give some of their things away or get their affairs in order.

Other really important warning signs, though, are expressing suicidal thoughts and evidence of the person engaging in self-harm. Most people who take their own lives do give some signal that they are planning to do so – whether that is expressing thoughts such as ‘people would be better off without me’ or ‘I may as well not be here’, or actual acts of self-harm or suicide attempts. 

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What is worrying is that often these comments or behaviours don’t get taken seriously when in fact they are probably the best indicator that something is wrong.

What do we say to someone who might be suicidal?

I think probably the most important thing to do, if you are worried about someone, is to ask them gently but directly if they are thinking about suicide.

People often worry about this – partly because they are afraid of putting ideas into people’s heads and I can debunk that myth right now: Asking someone if they are suicidal will not put the idea into their head if it isn’t already there. 

What it will do is make it much easier for them to talk about what are very upsetting and scary feelings. 

A good way of doing this might be something like, “I am feeling really worried about you. Sometimes when people feel as low as you do/engage in self-harm, it means they are thinking of suicide. Is that something going on for you?”. 

It can also feel a bit awkward, and again, it is okay to acknowledge that. 

For example, you could say “I feel awkward asking you this but…”. People will understand and often will be relieved that someone has noticed how they feel and has asked the question. 

If you do find yourself in this situation, don’t feel you have to have all the answers. 

Sometimes it is sufficient to be able to listen without judgement, try not to freak out, and then help them find the help they need. 

There are some good tips on both the myths and facts about suicide and how to talk about it safely in our new #chatsafe guidelines. 

What should we not do or say if someone might be suicidal?

I think the most important thing not to do is ignore the person or the warning signs. If you are worried, then ask.

And if you don’t feel comfortable asking then you could either talk to someone who may feel more comfortable – such as a friend or family member. Or you could simply tell the person that you are worried about them and ask them if it is okay for you to try and get them some help. 

In most cases people will be relieved you have reached out. 

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One of the other barriers that gets in the way of people wanting to ask about suicide is fear of saying the wrong thing. 

So some things to avoid are things that diminish the person’s experience or might make them feel judged or further stigmatised. So things like ‘pull yourself together’ or accusing them of attention seeking or over-reacting. 

What are the steps for getting professional help? 

The good news is that suicide is preventable and with the right help most people find that their suicidal thoughts or feelings go away. 

There are lots of options for getting help – remembering that not all options will suit everyone. 

But good first steps are a GP or local headspace centre (if the person is under 25). E-headspace is also a good option if the person feels more comfortable getting help online. 

There are also good online or telephone helplines if someone is in crisis, so things like Lifeline and Kids Helpline. 

And if you are really worried about someone then you can call emergency services or go with them to the ED. 

Again, there is some good information in the #chatsafe guidelines about how to do all this, including contact details for the national helplines.  

What if someone isn’t open to getting help?

Not everyone is ready to get help and some people are often resistant, maybe because they are afraid of what will happen or perhaps they have had bad experiences in the past. 

If this is the case, it might help if you offer to go with them or even make the call or appointment for them (with their permission, of course) and to remind them that just because they may have had a bad experience in the past, it does not mean their next experience won’t be better. 

Sometimes it can take a few attempts to find a counsellor or clinician who you have a rapport with. 

But what is important is that if someone’s life is at risk then you do what you can to get them help even if they don’t want you to. Safety trumps keeping secrets for people, and although they may be upset or angry at first, they will likely be glad of your help later. 

What organisations do we go to for help?

Below is a list of the national helplines listed in the latest #chatsafe guidelines. This is not an exhaustive list, but it is a starting point.

eheadspace
12-25 years
9:00am-1:00am AEST, 7 days
1800 650 890

Kids Helpline
5-25 years
24/7
1800 55 1800

Lifeline
All ages
24/7
13 11 14

13 YARN
Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders. All ages
24/7
13 92 76

There are different organisations/helplines for different age groups and different communities. For instance, there are specific CALD or LGBTQIA+ support services that are culturally safe spaces for people to go to if they’re struggling.

It’s also important to note that support services aren’t just there for the people who are distressed, but can also support those who are helping distressed individuals. When supporting someone who is feeling suicidal, it’s really important that those people get support as well.

What about the role of social media?

We worry a lot about conversations about suicide (and self-harm) on social media platforms and while there are definitely unhelpful ways of communicating about suicide online (for example sharing graphic images, or details of a suicide or self-harm), it can also be a helpful way of forging connections with people with similar problems or experiences and seeking and providing help. 

So rather than assume that all online communication about suicide is harmful, remember that it can sometimes be helpful as long as it is done carefully. It can also be a useful way to help people get help. You can check out our #chatsafe guidelines and social media campaign on Instagram for more information.

Dr Jo Robinson is Head of Suicide Research at Orygen, Australia’s world-leading youth mental health research institute. Dr Robinson is also the co-author of #chatsafe, Orygen’s set of guidelines to help young people and influencers talk about suicide and self-harm safely online. You can find the guidelines here.