The healthy, allergy-wise snacks are ready, the toys are laid out and the wine is in the fridge. Is this standard playdate prep these days?
I’m feeling a bit nervous.
Getting ready for a date always makes me a little stressed. I’ve cleaned the house and been shopping for just the right food to serve. But I am still anxious. I just want things to go right, and I want him to finish the date wanting another one soon.
How on earth did organising a seven-year old’s playdate become such a big deal?
Today is the day, you see. I woke up several times last night, thinking things through. What toys should I get out? What if he doesn’t have the same interests as my son? What if he doesn’t like the food I serve? What if my younger kids want to get involved and everyone starts fighting? How long should I make the playdate? Maybe I should just take them to the park? Maybe I should cancel the whole thing?
You think I’m neurotic, huh? I’ve always been a little anxious with new people, and in some ways I think I must be imposing that anxiety on my kids.
I’m not this way with established friends or neighbours; in fact, I live in one of those streets where playdates are rare. Rather, kids just wander up and down the cul-de-sac knocking on doors, looking for someone to play with. My kids race into neighbours’ houses and neighbours’ kids wander into mine. It is impromptu, un-organised chaos. One mum then turns up with a bottle of wine, and another with the CC’s and dips.
But when it comes to new people I'm not so great. I get a little twisted up. I wonder what to say and question whether they would be interested in it anyway.
My seven-year-old is in Grade One this year and he hasn't been placed in a class with any of last year's friends or neighbours. It's a big school and the faces are new, so we are trying to help him make new friends. I want it to go well for him but, boy, sometimes it’s easier to just stick with what you know.
I think there's a reason it's called a “playdate” these days. It's not only that we organise and schedule them so tightly, but that these controlled, precise events are so close to what grown-up dating is. The anxiety, the nuances of dating. The stress and the preparation. The building of relationships. It's all there on some level.
We want these children to like our kids. We want them to leave thinking they've had fun. We want them to want to do it all again. We want it to be successful. That’s why I find them such hard work.
Then there are the other minefields:
- Does your kid have allergies?
- Are your kids allowed to play computers or watch TV?
- Can I take them off site – to a playground or a sports field?
- Are they scared of dogs?
- Siblings, do I invite them too?
- What if the kids get bored?
- And the other mum - will she stay for the whole playdate?
It was so much easier when I was a kid. I just ran next door and played until it got dark. We were lucky if Mrs Pimfrey had a packet of Iced Vovos she might crack open but apart from that we didn't ever expect to be fed.
As for the mums, they weren’t anywhere to be seen. I'm not even sure if they knew, let alone liked each other. But that was then and this afternoon is rapidly approaching, and the quicker it does the more butterflies I'm getting. I've decided not to bake (because I am really crap at it) and I've bought wine and hummus (in case the other mum stays). I've put fresh towels in the bathroom and put away the dog but the one thing I haven’t quite worked out yet is just what to wear…
Wish me luck.
What's your advice for a successful first playdate?