The New Year sex detox.

Image: iStock

It’s not just your liver that could do with a detox this January. Give your sex life a much-needed makeover as well by following these nine simple steps to salvation.

1. Don’t fight change.

Your taste in clothes varies over time, so do your sexual tastes and needs. Keep your partner up to date and they won’t feel threatened – or left behind.

2. Build intimacy outside the bedroom.

Let your partner see the ‘real’ you – especially the silly, awkward bits. If you feel like doing Britney impressions and dancing around the living room after a few too many, do it! The more often they see the not-so-glam-or-in-control you, the more inclined they’ll be to show their vulnerable parts. Literally and metaphorically speaking.

This is the number 1 most common sex injury.

3. Remove any blame.

If one of you wants sex more, don’t persecute the ‘less sexy’ partner or accuse the other one of being a ‘sex maniac’. It’s no-one’s fault. It’s a problem the two of you have, so solve it as a couple: together.

4. Think before you speak.

Have a good old think solo before coming together to talk about any issues. Try to think of solutions, not just what the problems are, and be as specific as possible. If you’re upset because he’s not spending enough time on foreplay, spell out exactly what you’d like more of. Then, talk it through.

Of course you want to know what sex looks like in an MRI machine

5. Don’t avoid sex.

Keep on having it. Most sex problems turn into long-term dramas when the couple avoid the bedroom and refuse to admit there’s a problem.

6. Break your relationship routine.

How adventurous you are in bed is usually an indication of how strong the rest of your relationship is. If you’re too scared to suggest something new for fear of upsetting your partner, you’ve got nothing to lose because you’re already in trouble! Start off small: suggest you go to the movies instead of renting that video. Have sex in the spare room instead of your own. New experiences leave us feeling refreshed and revitalised. Even if you’re not inventive sexually, being inventive in other areas of your life can pay dividends and breathe new life into a tired, stale sex life.

7. Take a sexual inventory.

Write suggestions for some new sexual activities on two sheets of paper and each rate them from hot (would love to try) to warm, lukewarm and cold (would rather stick pins in your eyeballs). They might include spanking, role play, semi-public sex, tie-up games, blindfolding, talking dirty, watching or making erotic films. When you’re done, action the activities which scored high(ish) for both of you. Try one every two weeks or once a month.

“Why do I bleed during sex?”

8. Make your bedroom sex friendly.

Soundproof it for kids/flatmates/your mother when she comes to stay with heavy curtains and carpets that soak up sound or put a radio by the bed. Music masks all sorts. For the most flattering lighting, light from below or at eye level: tea-lights on saucers are a great solution. Add a mirror: a full length portable one that you can move into whatever position takes your fancy at the time.

9. Check your bed.

A firm bed makes for better sex; clean, fresh, good quality sheets lure you to lie naked on them. Cushions are a must for putting under hips, supporting limbs or making other places around the house sex friendly.

If you really want to mix things up, you could have a play with one of these:

What are your New Year sex detox tips?

For more great advice on sex and relationships, check out Tracey’s weekly blog on traceycox.com