Three smart ways to get over a break-up faster.

Break-ups can be harrowing and awful and give rise to all sorts of strange, odd behaviours.

Late night text messaging. The “f**k-you-I-don’t-actually-need-you-anyway” moments. The crying over ice cream and Bridget Jones re-runs.

Break-ups are messy and heart-wrenching and sometimes you can’t “just get over it”.

That’s why Bustle has put together a Love Factually guide. A video designed to help people move on, move forward, following heartbreak.

Don’t internalise it

Rejection isn’t, necessarily, all about you. Social psychologist from Stanford University, Lauren Howe surveyed 800 people and found those who view rejection as a reflection upon themselves – that they mustn’t be lovable, or that they’re not good enough – have a harder time getting over a break-up.

This makes sense, and it seems simple enough, but it’s something we all too often forget.

No, you’re not being dumped because you’re unlovable. It might be because he or she is a jerk, and you can do better. Maybe you’re at different stages in life. Maybe it’s not a love that’s right for you both. But definitely, no matter what the circumstances, it’s not about you. 

Don’t get stuck in the mud

Without sounding like a completely and utterly cliched, remember you will grow from this. 

Howe found that those with a fixed mindset – who think their personality cannot change – thought more often about their ex’s after a break-up than those with a more flexible outlook.

Realising your personality can change and grow and adjust to something stronger, different, following heartbreak, is an important part of the recovery process. Things will get better. 

Tell yourself a new story

The reason why break-ups hurt so much? Because that person, particularly if they have been a long term partner, has become a part of your autobiography. You’ve seen them in your life story. You’ve envisioned a future together and you’ve shared life events together until now.

One of the most powerful ways to get over this is to, quite literally, re-write your story. This is why you can have strong, strange urges to start new hobbies and make additional life changes – moving house, starting a new job – after a break-up. It’s all about re-writing your story, without that person in it.

To do this, embrace these strange urges. Become a triathlete, take up singing lessons, try your hand at poetry. By trying new things, and making new memories, the absence of that special someone will soon feel smaller, less harrowing.

You will build a life, and a stronger personality around that hole in your life-story, until it’s no longer, really, a hole anymore.