There's one thing stopping me leaving my husband... and it's not the kids

When your marriage is all over, but you can’t afford to leave

A recent study has shown a surge in the number of couples who can’t afford to get divorced. And it’s not necessarily only low-income families who claim they’re in this situation, but middle income couples who are so financially intertwined they can’t separate without destroying not only their lives but the lives of their children.

This wife’s sad confession reveals what it’s like to be trapped in a marriage that is over, all due to money.

When my husband and I were married 15 years ago we had every intention of staying together forever. Fast forward to the present day and I feel like I am dying in this relationship while my life races by. But I can’t afford to get divorced.

My marriage now feels like a death sentence.

I know it sounds stupid. If I’m so miserable, then we have to split. But it’s not that easy. Think about it. We are both working full time to afford a mortgage on our four bedroom home, we have four children who all attend school and preschool as well as participate in a range of activities. We have two vehicles we are paying off and a lifestyle.

It’s not that I’m vain or superficial or greedy. If it were just me, I’d be happy to take a financial hit to be free. I want a better life. I want to be in a fulfilling relationship. I want to be happy.

But my kids. What did they do to deserve losing everything we’ve ever worked for? How would they feel if their mum and dad split up and we had to move house, change schools move to a more affordable area away from friends and family and cease all extra-curricular activities? Because that’s exactly what would happen. They’d suffer, and I’d rather be the one that suffers.

Here’s the real issue. I want a divorce but my husband doesn’t. I don’t love him and I don’t want to be with him but he loves me and wants to be with me. He says he’s more in love with me today than he ever was and he looks forward to spending the rest of his life with me.

When he says this I just want to cry.

The thought of being with him forever is so depressing. It’s all I think about, the kind of life I could have without him. We are such a total mismatch that I simply can’t believe he is so happy. It’s probably because I hide my real self and try and be the person he thinks I am. Meanwhile, I’m slowing suffocating.

I am the best mother I can be. I want my children to know happiness and I want to provide them with a good life. I’m slowly trying to rebuild my career so I can support myself and my children financially one day if necessary. Because I know what my husband would do if I left him. He’d make it as difficult for me as possible. He’d fight and use money as a weapon.

It’s just not worth it.

Sometimes when I’m grocery shopping I buy lottery tickets. I think to myself, “If I could just win a million dollars, just one million, my husband and I can take half a million each, divorce and move on. We’d both have plenty of money to rebuild our lives and find the happiness we deserve. I’d find someone better suited to me and the life I want, and my husband can find someone who loves him.

My husband is a good man. He deserves to be loved.

So, here I am, a miserable married mother of four. My youngest starts school next year and then it’s a good ten years before I can even begin to consider being able to afford to divorce, and that’s only if she doesn’t want to go to uni.

I want to be in love with my husband. It would be so much easier. But I’m not, no matter how hard I try.

I’m just trying to make the best of it now.

Is divorce worth the financial upheaval, or should this woman stay with her husband and preserve her family’s lifestyle?