How to pretend you fit in at a fancy clothing store when you really, really do not.

You know what’s hard? Fitting in at Gucci when your outfit is 101 per cent Cotton On.

Now, that’s not a diss — Cotton On is the single greatest thing to ever happen to my wardrobe. It just makes it tricky to convince the Gucci sales assistant you’re interested in $650 ballerina flats when you’re head-to-toe in a polyester T-shirt dress.

Luckily, one snooping shopper who delights in browsing in stores way out of her budget has shared her top tips for ~fitting in with the rich people~

And.

They’re.

GLORIOUS.

Writer and general funny person Anna Fitzpatrick shared her ingenious tips on Twitterland this week.

With a big ol' coffee from a super indie (read: pretentious) cafe in hand, you must do the following:

"Walk with purpose. Enter the store, skip the handbag section (come on, that is 101), go straight for the clothes at the back."

When there (and this is very important), Anna advises you do not say you are just browsing, but instead are in the area for a tres important meeting.

"'I'm probably pushing it,' you add, 'But I can’t help it. I just love the way Alessandro is breathing new life into the label.' I promise you this will cause the salesperson to go off with how important Alessandro’s vision is."

(Alessandro Michele is Gucci's creative director. Don't worry, I didn't know that either.)

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“You don’t need to add anything, just nod along significantly and go ‘mhmm’ and ‘YES’ as if you are grateful to find someone who can finally appreciate what you’ve always been saying."

After thumbing through the clothes, pretending you've seen it all before, Anna has another tip:

“Sigh and shake your head and say, 'Ugh Tomás would positively kill me if I come home with another sequinned bomber.’ DO NOT EXPLAIN WHO TOMAS IS, THIS IS IMPORTANT.

“Then lean in like you are sharing a secret and say, ‘But let me tell you, I was just looking at the photos from Milan, and when that Fall collection hits stores…’ chuckle to yourself and shake your head like you can’t even believe yourself."

The final touch? Say you must leave immediately, as you are late for your very important meeting.

"Thank the salesperson and tell them you’ll ‘see them soon'."

Nailed it.

What tips do you have for browsing in shops you have no intention in buying from?

Follow Anna Fitzpatrick on Twitter here.