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ASK CHANTELLE: My partner wants me to talk dirty, but I feel silly. Where do I start?

Mamamia's Ask Chantelle series is a pervy Q&A session with Psycho-Sexologist Chantelle Otten. Think about all the sex questions you've wanted answers for, but have been too shy to ask. Nothing is too embarrassing, kinky or wild for Chantelle. Honestly, we've all probably wondered the same thing too. This week, one woman wants to know how she can talk dirty to her partner. And, if you have a sex question you want answered, email  [email protected] with Ask Chantelle in the subject line.

My partner really wants me to talk dirty, but I feel a bit silly and don't know where to start. Help!

You are totally not alone! Most people feel completely embarrassed and ridiculous at the thought of trying dirty talk, because they’ve never been taught the basic guidelines.

Of course, it goes without saying that if it's something really don't want to do, you absolutely shouldn't. 

If you are keen to try but you're finding you freeze up like a deer in the headlights when your partner asks you to talk dirty, then this guide is for you.

Dirty talk is an often overlooked but very powerful tool in erotic play. It is there to activate the imagination, and to add an air of liberation to your naked rendezvous. 

I am going to guide you through the best dirty talk lingo for beginners, and tell you what to avoid.

Watch: How to have better sex. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia

My tips for it:

1. Before sex, talk about what you want, what you desire.

Before you have sex, it’s a good opportunity to build the foreplay. Start the dirty talk by telling your partner what you want to do to them before you start actually doing it. 

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It builds anticipation, adds to the experience, and will also give your partner the opportunity to get excited. 

Some examples could be: “I want to bite your neck” or “I want to 69 like we did at the beach house". Sentences like this are easy and give the opportunity for both of you to use your imaginations.

2. During sex talk about what you like.

And specifically describe what it is you like about it.

Soooo, this is easy. Give ‘real time feedback’ to your partner whilst you are experiencing and enjoying your play time.

Firstly, if you say you love something, they will pay more attention to that area! Secondly, it's easy peasy dirty talk. “I love when you squeeze my ass baby, it feels so good.”

3. Be super descriptive, so bulk out the conversation.

Instead of just ,‘That feels good’, say ‘It feels good when you stroke my …’

Dirty talk is all in the details, and while there is nothing wrong with “I love that”, “that’s hot”, there is a lot more you can do to elevate the conversation. 

Supercharge the talk by adding in the details, like: “I love how you purse your lips while you are concentrating, and how your chest is shiny with sweat” or “you are so hot when you get on top of me and push yourself into me” etc.

4. Start via text...

Just like step one, but via text. Sometimes a screen makes us braver and gives us that time to think of ways to be creative.

5. Don’t swear too much if your partner isn't into it.

Some like profanity, some find it jarring. Make sure you check in before sex to see if there are any words that are going to put the experience on ice.

Read more of Ask Chantelle:

Chantelle Otten is Australia’s leading Psycho-Sexologist who is passionate about empowering people to feel great about their sexual health, self-esteem, communication and education. With a background in scientific research, sexual medicine, and counselling, she believes that sexuality and self-esteem are an integral part of life, which everyone is entitled to. Good sexual health should always be enjoyable, pain free and without prejudice.

Chantelle is the director of the Australian Institute of Sexology and Sexual Medicine, where she and her team of sexologists work to positively change the sexual lives of the Australian’s, also using her social media to spread sexual empowerment to all. You can find her on Instagram here. 

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