Exercise and I have a love-hate relationship. I love to hate it and I’m pretty sure it feels the exact same way about me.
The exception: dancing in my room to a cheeky bit of T-Swift (haters gonna hate) or my personal favourite, Beyoncé.
Unfortunately, I lack the sense of rhythm, coordination and moves, so instead of looking like this:
I look more like this:
Then I heard about Beydance - basically a "How to be as sassy as Beyoncé" dance class and of course I was the first person to volunteer myself to give it a go.
"It's for work," I told people. "For research purposes."
Rubbish - it was so I could finally master the crump and learn the secret of Beyoncé's wit, charm and allure for dance floor domination.
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Running since 2013, Beydance currently offer two options - the dance course which teaches the full routine over six to eight weeks, or the Beyparty classes which are drop in, casual and encourage the consumption of cocktails beforehand.
No prizes for guessing which one I went for.
Inspired by the spirit of Bey, Beyparty is held in no ordinary dance studio.
Held at the back of a Hawaiian themed bar, "enchanted disco forest" is the best way I can think to describe it.
I'm surprised to see a few male faces amongst the 30-strong crowd of women, the majority dressed in typical workout/dance gear with a hint of sparkle.
Thank goodness I left my leotard and stilettos at home.
As our teacher Keely (a young, energetic woman totally rocking the leotard and tights combo) calls for us to start the class, I move towards my rightful place... the far side of the back row.
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Music (Beyoncé, of course) is blasted and we start a warm up of "easy" moves, including jumping, Bey style drop squats and bum shaking.
This is my kind of exercise class.
Feeling warmed up and ready to go, it's time to get down to learning the routine.
Today it's "Run the World", which Keely informs us is the hardest of all the routines (according to Queen Bey herself).
Gulp.
Luckily we'll be learning just 30 seconds of the dance. The whole class visibly breathes a sigh of relief.
Keely takes us through the routine step by step at a pace even hopeless dancers like me can keep up with.
Soon I'm flicking my hair, shaking my hips and strutting my stuff with attitude I didn't even know I had. There's a great vibe, with a no judgement policy which allows everyone to get fully into it.
Feeling good, I look over and see two guys who have just joined the class. Topless and with flowing god-like hair and rocking kick ass sequin leggings better than any girl I've ever seen, they're crumping better than me. Hmpph.
With the routine down pat (as long as I have someone in front to copy) it's time to split in half and perform for each other. My group is up first.
(Post continues after gallery)
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I start off strong. I've got this. 1, 2, 3 and 4. Bam. I'm facing the wrong way to everyone else. No worries, no-one saw (yeah, right), stay cool and crump crump crump... I love this! Final strut, head tilt, hip thrust... done!
I feel empowered. Watching the second half of the class, there's cheering and applause, with everyone completely supportive and excited for each other. This is what exercise should all be about.
Feeling confident, I head over to the two sequin gods (AKA Tyrone and Brendan) and their friends to congratulate them on their leggings (I mean dancing).
Surely they must seasoned Bey professionals? I ask.
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Nope. They've come for the first time as a surprise for their friend Agatha's Beyday (Beyoncé speak for birthday, obviously). She's looking equally sassy in a sequin t-shirt.
"Best birthday surprise ever!" she says.
So how why earth did founder Liz Calahan (and obvious Bey fan) decide to create this brilliant class?
"One of my friends is a stand up comedian and he insisted he knew the Single Ladies dance better than me. I proved him wrong and he asked me to teach him the dance," she tells The Glow.
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"We had so much fun doing it that we put it into my Adelaide Fringe show the following year. Friends and audience members started asking me if I could teach them the dance too, so I started teaching casual 'Single Ladies' classes. Pretty soon I was ready to have a nervous breakdown if I heard any more 'wah uh ohhh wah uh ohhs' and started teaching Beyoncé's back catalogue of dances."
Leaving the class I'm feeling great (if a little sore!) , ready to take over the clubs (or maybe I'll just stick to my bedroom) with a fierce new routine.
Excitedly, I insist on showing my boyfriend the routine as soon as I walk through the door.
I do what I think is my best performance yet and wait for rapturous applause.
Nothing.
"Please never do that again," he says.
I think a few more classes may be in order.
TRY IT IF YOU:
- Want a fun way to exercise
- Love Beyoncé
- Want to combine cocktails and exercise
- Are looking for a fun activity to do with friends
- Are wanting to throw someone in the deep end on a first date
- Love sequins
- Are Beyoncé
GIVE IT A MISS IF YOU:
- Hate having fun.
Bey Dance Party classes cost $15 and are currently regularly offered in Melbourne and Adelaide , with plans for Sydney, Perth and Canberra soon.