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"I'm a shell of myself." Wippa and Lisa Wipfli on sleep deprivation when you have young kids.

There is a universal truth known among all parents. And it's the fact that while your kids are little, sleep is sacred - and hard to come by. 

This is a reality Michael 'Wippa' and Lisa Wipfli know all too well. 

The couple has three kids together - Theodore, seven, Jack, six, and two-year-old Francesca. And for their youngest child, it's been quite the challenge to get her to sleep through the night.

"She didn't know how to settle herself," Lisa said to Body+Soul this week. "We would have to lie on the floor and hold her hand until she fell asleep. I was doing that four or five times a night."

Starting to feel physically ill from the ongoing sleep deprivation, Lisa said she felt like a "shell of myself".

"It's constantly living as a half version of yourself."

Reflecting on the whole experience, Wippa said: "I just know that it's going to be a slog. We all understand that. And I think at times we go into survival mode. That basically means we've just got to get through today. You just have to push through and know that the sun comes up the next day."

In the same interview, Wippa explained that he and Lisa sleep in separate beds due to the start time of his Nova FM Fitzy & Wippa show - which has made it extra hard for them to have quality time together.

"I can tell that Lisa, day by day, is keener to get back into the marital suite," Wippa laughed.

While Francesca is now sleeping soundly thanks to them investing in a sleep consultant, the couple said they had no plans to change their separate bedroom routine, with Lisa joking they would only share the same bed again once her husband "has that operation to stop all the extreme snoring".

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Of course, Wippa and Lisa aren't alone - because more often than not, sleep and parenting are not a match made in heaven.

From the night-feeding to sleep training and the many trials and tribulations around co-sleeping, there's a jungle of information out there. But if you need some reassurance that you're not the only one who's slowly losing their mind to sleep deprivation, we've got your back. 

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With Wippa and Lisa's experience in mind, Mamamia asked 10 parents to share exactly how much sleep they're getting and how they're getting it - and yes, it does get better.

Here's what they said.

Sarah: 

How many kids do you have and how old are they? One daughter who's eight weeks old.

How many hours of sleep a night do you have on average? Five hours (broken).

How is the quality of your sleep? At the moment, every night is different but generally, Evie, will give us a longer stretch of sleep from about 11pm (four hours is a win!) and then smaller stretches of around two hours from there, broken up by feeds. She's in a co-sleeper bassinet that attaches to the bed but we've detached it as she's a loud sleeper and I find some distance helpful so I'm not waking every time she stirs. She tends to get a bit of digestive pain in the early morning and starts thrashing about so I tend to move her into bed to co-sleep as she's more settled next to me. I've also just got used to the morning snuggles!

Does this affect your day-to-day life? How so? Absolutely. My short-term memory is completely gone. I spend hours trying to remember what we did the previous day (even the previous hour). I'm much more irritable than usual and far less able to cope with stressful situations. I did a lot of prep for the postpartum period and knew I'd have to manage my anxiety but as everyone tells you, you can't prepare for the effects of sleep deprivation. It's amazing what the body adjusts to though. I used to feel absolutely wrecked if I got less than seven hours sleep a night, now a stretch of four unbroken hours has me jumping out of bed ready to run a marathon.

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Image: Supplied.

Aimee:

How many kids do you have and how old are they? I have three daughters - three and a half years, two years and 10 months.

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How many hours of sleep a night do you have on average? I usually go to sleep at 10.30pm and wake to my babies at around 7am, so 8.5 hours a night.

How is the quality of your sleep? Usually uninterrupted, unless a baby is teething or unwell.

Does this affect your day-to-day life? How so? I am much more able to control my behaviour because I'm not tired, I have more patience and energy to parent. On the days when we haven't had a good nights sleep, I'm more reliant on screens to entertain them and do minimal housework.

Has your sleep changed over the years as your kids have gotten older? Yes, but only temporarily. My eldest started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks, my second at eight weeks (crazy, I know!) and my third at about five months. When I did have a baby-waking during the night for feeds, I would nap during the day (one of the advantages of having my babies close together means they all have a day-nap at the same time!) I would probably still have had six hours sleep, but interrupted.

Leah:

How many kids do you have and how old are they? I have a two-year-old, a four-year-old and a five-and-a-half-year-old.

How many hours of sleep a night do you have on average? When they were little it was like five hours a night. Now it's seven-and-a-half hours.

Does this affect your day-to-day life? How so? When I had three kids under three-and-a-half there was not a lot of sleep and a whole lot of stress. Now they're a bit older it's only the two-year-old who might wake for the dummy once a night (I know, I know, we should lose the dummy. Daycare has been on my back about him getting rid of it. But he's the third child and... cbf). Now it's more just the early starts. They all wake up at 5:30am every day and always have. We are used to it but yes, a sleep-in is around 6:30am.

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Has your sleep changed over the years as your kids have gotten older? Now that they're older, my mental health has improved MASSIVELY as sleep has come back into my life.

Maryanne:

How many kids do you have and how old are they? I have one son who is five months old.

How many hours of sleep a night on average? My Fitbit tells me I get an average of eight hours. Every morning when I wake up and it tells me I've had that much I trick myself into thinking I'm not tired. How could I be when I've had that much sleep, right?

How is the quality of your sleep? I wake up once a night to feed anywhere from 1am to 4am; this usually takes 20 minutes. He slept through the night for the first time last week but hasn't slept through since! We moved him into his own room and it was an absolute game-changer for our quality of sleep. I stopped waking up to every little sigh that he makes. He also dropped two feeds through the night once he was in his own room.

Does this affect your day-to-day life? How so? I have a great start and middle to my day but can't really function after 4:30pm. I hit a wall physically and mentally but wouldn't change it for the world!

Image: Supplied.

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Stacey:

How many kids do you have and how old are they? I have two bubs - a one-year-old and a two-and-a-half-year-old.

How many hours of sleep a night do you have on average? We are pretty up and down at the moment but on average I get about five hours a night which is pretty broken.

How is the quality of your sleep? Our sleep would be described as broken at best. It's full-on passed-out cold when we have the opportunity! We are not co-sleepers but often find a toddler climbing into our bed in the middle of the night and taking over by sleeping sideways which usually means I end up on the floor or the lounge depending on what sort of night we are having. At the moment things are starting to settle down and I get woken at least twice every night usually more. Our daughter was a full-night sleeper from really young until her brother came along and then she started waking through the night. He, on the other hand, has always been a restless sleeper. I have quite regularly been up with him every hour if not more regularly throughout the night.

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Does this affect your day-to-day life? How so? After really bad nights I have physical reactions to the exhaustion like headaches, food cravings and feeling like I'm not able to hydrate myself. My patience is shorter and I get frustrated a lot quicker than normal when tired. Luckily I haven't had it take over to affect my work or ability to get to work as yet but it does affect my personal routine and my ability to fit in some me-time with a workout.

Julia:

How many kids do you have and how old are they? I have a one-and-a-half-year-old girl and a four-and-a-half-year-old boy.

How many hours of sleep a night do you have on average? I'd say I get about 6 hours a night.

How is the quality of your sleep? My husband and I work on a 'need' basis. Whoever really needs good quality, uninterrupted sleep gets to sleep alone and the other sleeps with the kids. Otherwise, if we're both feeling ok, we'll start the night as normal. That means the kids are in their respective beds and us in the big bed. By morning though at least one kid will be in with us.

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Does this affect your day-to-day life? How so? Sleep deprivation definitely affects me. I'm pretty snappy if I have a bad night. Those days require three coffees. 

Image: Supplied.

Krysti:

How many kids do you have and how old are they? I have a baby boy aged three and a half months. I'm also a SMC (Single Mum by Choice) and had my baby boy via donor conception (my egg with donor sperm). So it's just me and him.

How many hours of sleep a night do you have on average? About four to six hours of reasonable quality per night. This commences at 10pm-ish to around 6am. He sleeps in a cot right next to my bed, but then sometimes that still isn't close enough to me, so we co-sleep.

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How is the quality of your sleep? Currently, I'm at the stage where my babe has just started rolling to his front, but not back. It's a dreadful feeling, to say the least. Some nights I think I'm asleep, but I'm actually awake.

Does this affect your day-to-day life? How so? It definitely affects day-to-day life in the way my brain fails to function as before. Classic baby brain. I'm forgetful, I have to triple-check appointment times, record them on both electronic devices and a handwritten calendar. Previous to this, it was all just in my head and I knew what to do.

Kate:

How many kids do you have and how old are they? I have a two-year-old and a six-week-old.

How many hours of sleep a night do you have on average? I’m averaging about three to four hours of very broken sleep a night. Last night he woke every 45 mins.

Does this affect your day-to-day life? How so? Thank god I'm currently on maternity leave because there is NO way I could function at work right now (Emergency Department nurse)! I can hardly string a sentence together. In saying that, before children, I would never have thought you could semi-function on this amount of sleep, but I get up every day and deal with a crazy two-year-old and FIFO husband. Before the youngest was born I was getting about eight hours a night. My two-year-old was sleeping from 7pm to 7am most nights without waking.

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Watch: how to sleep again with Sean Szeps. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia.

Kylie:

How many kids do you have and how old are they? Two kids: an 18-month-old and a four-year-old.

How many hours of sleep a night do you have on average? Four hours and 15 mins (on average according to my Apple Watch).

How is the quality of your sleep? Most often my sleep is broken by one child or the other or both sometimes waking and needing assistance to get back to sleep.

Does this affect your day-to-day life? How so? I often have to commute two hours in each direction (driving) for work and some nights I’m operating on as little as two-and-a-half hours. As you can imagine, this could literally be deadly. It also puts an incredible amount of strain on my relationship both with my husband and with my children because my tolerance levels are rock bottom and my body is barely capable of breathing let alone regulating my emotions at times.

Has your sleep changed over the years as your kids have gotten older? My daughter was the most amazing sleeper and until the age of two-and-a-half and would sleep 12 to 13 hours without any help. Rarely does she sleep through the night or beyond 5am these days which means she is also feeling the negative effects of sleep deprivation. Needless to say, life feels like walking through a swamp on a daily basis at the moment.

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Emma:

How many kids do you have and how old are they? I have one eight-month-old baby girl.

How many hours of sleep a night do you have on average? About six to even hours per night.

How is the quality of your sleep? My daughter sleeps in a cot in her own room. She wakes two to three times a night (on a good night) and I generally feed her back to sleep. Luckily she has never fed for very long so I'm not up for more than 15 minutes at a time but it's still broken sleep so I definitely feel it the next day.

Does this affect your day-to-day life? How so? This definitely affects my day-to-day life because some days I feel completely fine and others I am a total zombie. I'm lucky in that I've not yet gone back to work but I will be in the next few months and I have no idea how I will manage feeling so tired since I work in childcare which is quite tiring. Some days when I've had a particularly rough night, just going to get a coffee in the morning feels hard.

Parents: how much sleep do you get? Tell us in a comment below.

This article was originally published on February 5, 2020 and was updated on November 6, 2022.

Feature Image: Instagram @wippa1.

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