Why you rarely see 'hot' men dating 'plain' women.

If I asked you to think of a couple where you’d consider the woman to be more attractive than the man (as a completely objective third party), you could probably reel off a long list of either celebrities or people that you know.

But what about vice versa?

It’s very rare to see a ‘hot’ man dating a ‘plain’ woman – and if they do, there’s a very frustrating reason why it’s almost always doomed to fail.

The latest episode of Tinder's podcast DTR sought to find out exactly why that is by talking to various people from both sides who've found themselves in this 'unequal' pairing.

Surprisingly, it's often got nothing to do with the couple themselves, but how they're perceived by those around them. (Post continues after audio.)

First though, let's clear up what we actually mean by 'hot' and 'plain' in this situation.

Of course rating somebody's attractiveness (usually on a scale of one to 10) is entirely subjective, as what you consider a 10 could be someone else's six.

But before you go on about how sexist/judgmental/unfair 'rating' a total stranger on their looks is, it's actually something we do all the time and have been since we were babies, most the time without even realising it.

In just a few seconds, we respond to someone's 'attractiveness' based on how how their face fits in with the Golden Ratio, a mathematical formula used to 'measure' beauty ultimately based on the symmetry of one's face. It's the basis of any first impression.

You make your mind up in about 30 seconds. Image: Hulu

Dubbed 'thin slicing' in psychology terms, this practice of judgment is basically ingrained in human nature. Yes, we're programmed to be judgmental jerks.

So by 'hot' we really mean someone who is blessed with this golden ratio of looks and 'plain' as someone who is not necessarily ugly or unattractive, but just doesn't have those 'perfect' numbers. Harsh terms, but that's maths for you.

Host Jane Marie calls these relationships 'broken equations' - and none of the subjects she interviewed had happy endings to share.

Jake* looks "like if Jude Law were more masculine, if Bradley Cooper were taller or if Chris Evans had an accent" Oh and he's also "a really good guy". Translation? The guy is a solid ten. (It's maths, I swear.)

When an old friend moved to the same city as him, his feelings towards her moved from platonic to romantic. (Post continues after gallery.)

"She was someone who I got along with so well and maybe someone I wouldn't normally approach at a bar but it was definitely someone who I was attracted to on so many other levels, I thought this is someone who could be a great life partner," he said.

Various studies have shown that when there is a discrepancy in a couple's attractiveness, it's usually because like Jake and his partner, they started off as friends first.

But despite their physical and well-established mental attraction, the eventual failing of Jake's relationship was everyone around him who couldn't quite grasp the concept that they were a couple.

"People thought she was a relative or a friend as opposed to a girlfriend. If there was a waiter or waitress they would ask 'Does your friend want some water as well' or something like that," he says.

That's a situation many will identify with - even if you're not actually dating.

"My best friend who is a boy is significantly better looking than me and I swear we always get weird looks. When we go to the movies the person is always like "Errr are you paying separately orrrr?," says Alice.

"Everyone assumes I must be in love with him, like that's why we're friends. Which I'm not."

While this kind of attitude made the relationship difficult for both Jake and his ex, the strain was particularly hard on her and he says these constant reminders made her feel insecure and jealous.

"She did mention times when she felt insecure and she didn't like it when I went out, not because she was worried that I would cheat, just that she would see the other way girls would observe me and that made her insecure."

"We definitely spoke about it and that was part of the efforts to try and quell those insecurities but she felt there was inequality in that department," he says.

"She may have been correct in how women were looking at me, but there was nothing to worry about at the end of the day."
Listen: Do we need to get off our apps and into the real world? Post continues after audio.

They stayed together for a year but eventually he gave up trying to convince her that everything was ok as it was too hard and stressful and they went back to being friends.

Ultimately it was hard because other people made it hard.

For Harriet*, the mathematically good looks of the model she'd discovered on a dating site (and had had a crush on since she was a teen) couldn't make up for his "mental and unpredictable" behaviour which first reared its head when he left her eight drunken missed calls - after their first date.

After four intense months of overlooking these negatives, partly because she said she found his interest "flattering" to her 16 year old self, they broke up when he stole her debit care and $100.

Another potential explanation for the scarcity of these match ups is down to innate differences in the way men and women seek out potential partners during that initial attraction stage.

"Guys have a unifactorial model of women while women tend to have a much more complex method," says Dan Gould, head of technology at Tinder.

Basically while men are looking for that mathematical hotness, women have more scales and rankings beyond appearance.

"[As a result] they are much harder to predict. They have a more nuanced model of deciding on guys and may decide to swipe right for a unpredictable reason."

Here's hoping this is one equation that that solves itself soon.