Have you ever lived overseas? Or interstate? Away from your family and friends? (Oh wait, I'm sounding like a Qantas commercial…) Maybe you loved it. I have many friends who have moved overseas for extended periods for work and they say it can be a hugely bonding thing if you move with your partner. With nobody else around, you're forced to navigate everything together.
But it can also be tremendously difficult. And sometimes it's a bit of both.
Here's a letter from a MM reader who is struggling with it and wondering if anyone can give her any advice.
Beth* writes….
I live overseas and have done so for 5 years. My husband is not Australian, we are living in his country due to his work commitments.
Before we married and I moved over here he promised me we would one day live in Australia (he loves it at home) this should happen within
the next 1/2 years. I know we will live back in Australia one day soon and I suppose that keeps me going but the homesickness I feel hasn't got any easier, in
fact it seems to get worse and worse. It's such an empty feeling, a pain that sometimes is unbearable. I am generally a positive person and don't let things get me down but this
is tough, I think mainly because I cannot do anything about it. In some ways my two children (toddler and newborn) keep me so occupied the homesickness isn't so intense but at other times because of them it gets worse!?
I am very close to my family and feel such guilt that they are not able to be a part of this wonderful stage in my life and to enjoy the day to day happenings of my darling children. My husband and I have a very good marriage, he is a loving husband and adoring father, but he has a very demanding job which keeps him away from home alot. I would love to hear from the Mamamia community on how they deal with homesickness.
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Living overseas can be great and I love where I live, but it can be really tough too. I live a 24 hour flight away and 15 hours time difference.
There are two issues with living overseas: the first missing your home and the second adjusting to a totally different place.
It sucks to have friends have babies that you don't get to see growing up and nourish your oldest and dearest friendships with only fleeting visits home. I miss my family and I am amazed at how relaxed I feel when I get back. I realise that living overseas can be very stressful. My mum places a lot of guilt on me for living overseas too, where she cannot have daily contact with her only grandchild.
The second thing is that when you live in your home country you have so much context that you don't have in a new place. This makes it fun, but simple things like not knowing where to buy things, or how different systems work can be very frustrating and confusing and stressful.
There are positives too though - I just had the most incredible seafood lunch today of local dishes that you can't really find in Australia. For the four of us our banquet cost a grand total of $15 including beers. Priceless!
Home for me is a 24 hour flight away from here.
I love Australia, I always have and I have always wanted to live here.
I've been here for almost 3 months now, not my first time either, spent about 3 of the past 12 years here, but this time I've been really homesick.
It's never really happened to me before but I had a really bad breakdown about a month ago, I was crying so much I couldn't even breathe. And the thought of how far my beloved ones were was just killing me. I was missing my family, my little sister, my 3 gorgeous cats, my friends, my home, my car, my life. I was ready to jump on the first plane home. But I didn't. I am still homesick, I still get tears in my eyes every second day, but I see this as a big journey I am doing. I am learning something new everyday and I feel stronger than ever. And I am brave enough to go to the movies by myself on a Saturday night! :)
I am becoming extremely independent, and I can say I am very proud of myself.
I don't think there is a secret recipe to fight homesickness, but keeping busy works quite well for me.
I work a lot,and if I have a day off I volunteer and work for free.
Things will get better, you just have to be confident!
Good luck!