A quick(ie) history of vibrators. Because why not?

In the 1800’s, a medical phenomenon was surfacing: Women were too TENSE. They were complaining of bloated stomachs, anxiety, and irritability to their doctors.

Sigh. Only one way for the doctor to sort that out. A ‘pelvic massage’. Otherwise known as getting her off.

Doctors discovered that pelvic massage would lead to ‘hysterical paroxysm’, and the woman would be blushing with health after the tension release.

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK.

According to a Mashable.Com article, it was “a routine part of most Victorian doctors work, as it had been for centuries before. But, as accounts in contemporary medical journals attest, it was tedious, boring and physically demanding work.”

Sorry for taking up your time, doctor. A little to the left.

A doctor called J. Mortimer Granville invented a machine that would take some of the manual labour out of the lady-fiddle. A pulsating electromechanical instrument with a huge generator, that could only be used in the doctor’s office.

Of course, all the ladies IMMEDIATELY wanted their own. You know, for their ‘anxiety’.

Also in masturbation: A wristband that will power your phone will your pleasure yourself.

And thus, the vibrator was born. Until the early 1900’s, they were strictly in doctor’s offices. By 1917, there were more vibrators in homes than toasters (because toast will almost NEVER incite an orgasm) and they were starting to show up in pornographic films, so it became a bit smutty for a doctor to use one.

For many decades, the home vibrators were subtly marketed for health, glowing skin, and good circulation. At least we admit the truth now.

Because pleasure. Ladylike, healthy, happy pleasure.

Hysterical paroxysm, anyone?

‘Sexologist’ Dr Carol Queen knows what’s good for us: