Helpless. Confused. Distraught.
I’m writing this while I am having an anxiety attack. Because of that, you should probably excuse any typos or spelling mistakes — it’s hard to see the screen through the tears and my shaking hands are making it hard to type.
I’m typing this because I want to help you understand, or I want you to know you aren’t alone. Whichever camp you’re in- I hope this helps.
Tonight my anxiety attack began because I said something to a good friend which may have been misinterpreted.
Now she hasn’t replied to me for 43 minutes.
She may have gotten busy, and I know this deep in my heart, but all the irrational thoughts have overtaken and I’ve been bawling for 37 minutes.
That’s how quickly an anxiety attack can begin. My whole body is shaking; my system is being so overwhelmed and panicked that I can’t control it anymore.
I’m sobbing like a two-year-old having a tantrum. And that’s basically what this is — it’s a grown-up tantrum because my anxiety disorder basically makes me incapable of regulating my own emotions, kind of like a toddler.
This is a part of my life which unfortunately strikes me at any time. Usually if I’m at work or out, I can get myself distracted quickly enough to cope. When I’m at home, when I let myself relax — I can’t.
This is why I’m a workaholic who plays a lot of sports and tries to socialise a lot. That’s a common misconception — that people with anxiety disorders want to be at home all the time. And some do — people with agoraphobia really struggle with this. But others, like me, really need the distraction of the outside world in order to control their inner world.
It has been 46 minutes now.
I’m still sobbing, rocking like a baby and shaking so much it’s physically hurting me. This happens nearly every time. Unfortunately it won’t stop until I hear from her, or I fall asleep.
Anxiety shouldn’t control you life, but it does. Right now my entire body is so overwhelmed and scared and downright petrified that it is physically and mentally impossible for me to do anything else, or think of anything else.
I keep deleting sentences from this because they’re irrelevant to what I’m trying to say.
I knew I had to write this while I was having an attack because when you aren’t you can see how irrational it is.
But right now my body cannot and will not think of anything else. So far in the past 49 minutes I’ve tried TV, a movie, a book, my guitar, going for a drive and doing 50 push-ups.
It’s really, really hard to do push-ups while you’re sobbing. It’s also kind of dangerous to drive.
Anyone can have an anxiety attack, even superheroes. (Post continues after video.)
If there’s someone in your life who suffers from anxiety, don’t treat them like they’re diseased. It’s just that sometimes, their minds and bodies betray them and leave them feeling like this.
Helpless. Confused. Distraught. In pain (the teeth clenching and shaking actually physically hurts after this amount of time).
Sometimes nothing is a challenge. Sometimes you can convince yourself that you’ve overcome your anxiety because it has been a week, or three weeks without an attack.
But then it’s been 55 minutes, and you’re rocking and your eyes are aching from the crying
And you still can’t help yourself — even though you’ve tried just about everything you can think of.
What do you do when you’re having an anxiety attack?
Top Comments
I thought I would add how I would describe it after having severe anxiety for years. For this to work, try to stop at each step and imagine this is exactly what is happening to you.
First of all, choose one of these three activities that make you most the nervous.
1. Sitting an important exam.
2. First day at a new job.
3. Speaking in front of 2000 people.
Got that locked in? Good. I'm going to use the exam situation as my personal choice.
You wake up, it's a cold morning and you have diarrhea, badly. You have already been 4 times in an hour and it's only 7.30am. You figure your bowels have to empty by now, so you get ready for the day ahead skipping breakfast because you feel sick to the stomach and put on a warm woolen jumper because of the cold.
Just before you leave, the diarrhea hits again. That's five times now.
So you leave for the exam you have been worried about all year. You are a bit late because of the delays, was that a flash? I think I was speeding, was that a speed camera? Shit. It's ok, I'll find out later but you're already a bit nervous and the heart is racing.
Then a hunstmen spider falls from the visor onto your lap, in a panic you swerve off the road and hit a tree spinning out and wrecking the car, fortunately no one was hurt but now you are disorientated, shaken up, the adrenaline is coursing through you, your hands are shaking, your voice is uneven, you are sweating enough so it shows through the thick woolen jumper you put on earlier that morning.
Magically, you are now teleported to that important exam, your year of study is riding on this. Holy shit, I'm in a real panic now. How the hell can I pass this, I can't even remember what my phone number and address is, I need to find a toilet urgently and sweat is pouring down my ribs like a river as I hyperventilate.
This physical response is my day with severe anxiety when trying (and failing) to go to the milk bar to buy the newspaper.
And I am still too bloody ashamed to put my name to this post.
Thank you for sharing this paralysing condition. I've suffered with this for years, it's agony. Several months ago after researching medications with consideration of side effects, I asked my doctor for a prescription for Pristiq. In just 3 days my persistent anxiety subsided and I haven't had an attack since. 50mg worked for the first two months and I started to feel the anxiety return so I was upped to 100mg. The only side effect I've experienced is I feel that I have control of my appetite! I felt a bit wonky when I missed a dose though. Research it yourself and discuss it with your doctor. Good luck, I wish you all relief.