They're in their 30s. Harry has grey hair, Ron is balding and Hermione is winning at life.

“No longer the fresh-faced wizards they were in the day, but recognisable nonetheless.”

Harry Potter is back. And he has two kids and grey hair.

It took less than 30 minutes for a wave of magical hysterical joy to spread across the internet today, after J.K Rowling published a short story on the Pottermore website (you have to be a Pottermore memeber to read it, and Pottermore has currently crashed, obviously, but keep trying).

The 1,500-word piece is a gossip column, written by Rita Skeeter from the Quidditch World Cup. It’s set when Potter and Co. are in their mid 30s, and provides a brief update on where all of our favourite characters are – starting, of course, with hero Neville Longbottom, who is married to Hannah and works as a Herbology teacher at Hogwarts.

Oh yeah, and that Harry guy is mentioned too – he works as an Auror and has two kids named James and Albus. His wife Ginny is a reporter, also working on assignment at the Quidditch World Cup.

Ron Weasley is going bald and is still married to Hermione. They have two kids. He runs Fred and George’s magic shop, and Hermione is a total big shot at the Ministry of Magic. J.K Rowling’s Rita Skeeter’s best line in the whole column concerns Hermione’s ability to juggle her life: “Does Hermione Granger prove that a witch really can have it all? (No – look at her hair).”

AW SNAP. Classic Rita.

Above all, you’ll be happy to know that Luna Lovegood found love in Newt Scamander’s grandson Rolf, to whom she is married with twin boys.

Alas, there is no mention of Rowling expanding this heavenly bit of hysteria-inducing writing into a full-length book, but there will be another piece published on Pottermore on 11 July, written in the voice of hot-shot reporter Ginny Potter.