Six weeks ago, Olympic boxer Harry Garside was feeling completely broken.
He had lost in the first round of the boxing at the Paris Olympic Games, much to his disappointment. Shortly after that loss, the cameras emerged and the post-match interviews began.
How are you feeling after losing that match?
At least you made it to the Olympics, that's an achievement in itself, right?
The 27-year-old replied: "Two decades dedicated to one dream, and it's all over just like that."
Garside struggled to get the words out, tearing up. He then said: "I'm sure the next month or two will be quite challenging. I fear my mind will get the better of me, and I feel like I've let myself down."
He added: "I'm sure I'll have some dark moments and I'm f**king terrified to be honest."
Encouragement and reassurance came from those interviewing Garside. But he just felt numb.
In nine minutes, he'd gone from an Olympic hopeful, to feeling, in his words "like a failure".
This week, Garside opened up on Mamamia's But Are You Happy podcast.
He reflects on that now-viral post-match Olympics interview with a lot of compassion towards himself — something he wasn't able to do in that moment.
"I was genuinely terrified. I have failed a number of times in my life, but this meant so much to me," he notes.
"I went out the back where there were no cameras around and I haven't cried like that in a long time. It's almost like my body took over and I was in full self-preservation mode."
Watch: Harry Garside and Below Deck star Aesha Scott discuss impacts of addiction. Post continues below.
Garside said he struggled to know who he was outside of being a boxer and a winner.
"If I felt the win, I'd think, 'Yes I'm the man.' The loss, I felt like a failure. I was suffering. But I've learned that boxing is what I do, it's not who I am. I'm really grateful for that because I do know that boxing has a shelf life."
This has been Garside's biggest means for coping, he explained — realising that boxing "won't be the highlight of my life".
After winning bronze at the Tokyo Olympic Games, Garside also noted that sometimes winning isn't all it's cracked up to be either.
"I had the bronze medal in Tokyo, which was a success. But I sat in quarantine afterwards with the medal on my neck and I was looking at myself in the mirror and I felt so unhappy," he said on But Are You Happy.
"A lot of the times where I've achieved something, it's not long before you feel like you've got to get the next thing. It's a genuine addiction."
In Garside's new book The Good Fight: Boxing, ballet and breaking stereotypes, there's a line where he says "anger is just sadness suppressed".
It's a profound thought, especially when it comes to mens' mental health.
If there had to be one overarching message Garside wants people to know about failure, it's this.
The universe stops for no one.
"Yes, the world sucks and it's unfair and unjust. But we can't foster this victim mentality. Happiness is a fleeting thing. There's days when I wake up and feel playful. But there are moments when I'm tired too. My mind is strong right now regardless."
You can listen to the full story on Mamamia's But Are You Happy now.
Feature Image: AAP.
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