ATTENTION UNIVERSE: Hamish Blake has just stepped foot into the Wonderland of Fake Tan, and he finally knows the secret women have held dear for decades.
He’s onto us, you guys. He’s finally onto us.
On Wednesday night’s episode of Hamish and Andy, the funnyman father-of-one revealed that being forced to get a tan as a joke for one of the show’s segments epically backfired, because now he’s in love.
“I’m still thrilled with myself,” Hamish explained on-air to co-host Andy Lee. “It’s like you’ve got this skin-tight smug suit on. I just can’t believe it. It’s like you’ve got an Ironman suit, it’s ridiculous.
“As soon as she sprayed it on me though, you know what I thought? The Logies. It smelt like the Logies. That’s what that smell is! Oh my God, it’s Crown Palladium.”
Being a naturally "pale guy" who burns instead of going bronze (I feel your pain dude), Hamish laughed that the process has been a revelation.
"I don't get a nice golden brown, it's never happened to me. So of course when I step out of that tent last night, I catch a look at myself in the bathroom mirror, and I saw my reflection. I can't believe it! I'm sorry, but I was a caterpillar and now I'm a butterfly."
The 34-year-old was forced into getting the beauty treatment after Andy and "buttons man" Cacklin' Jack dared him to include it as part of his band costume (the trio have begun a very serious and very talented band, named 'Cool Boys and the Frontman').
Hamish says he opted for a "medium" colour instead of "well done", because, "going for well done would be too much too soon, I'd shock people".
While he's thoroughly enjoying the experience, wife and former beauty editor Zoe Foster Blake says the effect has been "like you've had five coffees".
"The thing is, I didn't know all the stuff you have to do," Hamish added.
"The [tanning] lady goes, 'leave it on for two hours then have a shower without soap to wash it off'. So I went and had a shower in our bathroom, and I'm in there for a little bit going 'no soap, no soap, protect the tan', and Zoe goes 'what are you doing? Just a quick rinse! You're washing it all off!'
"I panicked... I don't know what is going on!"
Ah, dear Hamish. All good tanners know a good exfoliation and moisturising session is the key.
"[I told Zoe] you've got to tell me this stuff, I don't know what I'm doing! It's too much power for one man to have."
As for any man who wants to experience the amazingness of the "skin-tight smug suit", Hamish has some advice:
"Just find a way to pretend you were forced into getting one."