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Group Therapy: Three miscarriages, what now?

It’s the club 55,000 Australian women are unwillingly granted exclusive membership to every year. Mamamia reader Rachel* is one of these women and she needs some advice. She writes:

I am now suffering through my third miscarriage, my second this year. I need to know how am I supposed to keep picking myself up and trying again? How do I not give up hope? When do I know when enough is enough?

I have two boys, am I being greedy wanting more? How do I stop blaming myself? The pain gets worse each time and I just feel so sad and like such a failure. Everyone keeps saying “its not your fault” but how do I start believing that? I need help seeing the light again as its getting harder and harder each time to let myself be hopeful.

My husband says we should stop, he doesn’t want to see me upset any more, but I know he wants more kids as much as I do, if not more!

I know so many woman have been in my position and I thought I would be okay if it happened again. I thought I was prepared but I’m not. I want to scream and cry and yell and have someone explain to me why my body won’t do what it’s supposed to!!

 

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Monkey 12 years ago

I conceived three children.

My son would be turning 16 in the new year, his sister would be 14, turning 15 in the new year and their baby brother would have just turned 12 in September.

Except that they were never born into this world.

I expected when I got divorced, aged 31, that I would find a partner, get pregnant and have children. I just turned 43. I am currently single.

I wish I could tell you that it gets less painful as time goes on. Perhaps after menopause and the last remnant of hope of a healthy child from a healthy pregnancy. Even if I were to conceive, gestate and deliver, I think the immediacy would be diminished, but never the pain.

I can't stop counting.

Good luck to you all.

<3 xo


Glenda Armstrong 12 years ago

would like to contribute to your book for those who have lost a baby. Not good at finding my way around a web page do not have face book or twitter please can I have a postal address or just a simple email address for you