By GRETEL KILLEEN
A recent survey has revealed that companies prefer employees who are not only men but unmarried and childless. i.e. neither single nor married women, and definitely not mothers. Are they insane?
My son is almost 25, my daughter 22, I have raised them as a single mum and worked to support them every day of their lives. Over these years I’ve experienced dismissal, exploitation and deep humiliations. And that’s all just in my role as a mum. But being a mum has also been the most rewarding internship of my life. While the workplace has given me some recognition and financial comfort, brilliant encounters and extraordinary adventures, my role as a mother has taught me to become an arbitrator, negotiator, strategist, educator, delegator, chef, economist, dilettante, leader, entertainer, medic, saint, muse and mind reader. And what workplace on earth couldn’t benefit from all that?
Some months ago the acclaimed Canadian rocket scientist Yvonne Brill passed away at the age of 88. The original opening paragraph of her obituary in the New York Times referred to the fact she ‘made a mean beef stroganoff, followed her husband from job to job and took eight years off from work to raise three children.’ It then quoted Brill’s son in referring to her as ‘the world’s best mom.’ In response social media was outraged, screaming that to mention maternal pursuits, passions or priorities before her career was nothing short of SEXIST. But isn’t it sexist to consider Brill’s role as a mum to be secondary or inferior to her career?
Like so many women Brill proved capable of achieving in both arenas. In fact the qualities required to be a great woman, whether mother or not, are precisely what make us perfect for the workplace. We are faithful, diligent and inexhaustible, we put others before ourselves, we strive for the betterment of the team, we will not stop until the job is done, and we can do all of these things at the same time.
Oh yes, turns out it’s true, we can multi-task. We can be a fabulous mother, wife, woman, friend and daughter AND an exceptional contributor in the workplace. So maybe it’s time those mono-taskers out there realised that we women and mothers are an asset in every arena. Don’t employ us and under pay us as though you’re doing us a favour, because quite frankly we’re doing you one.
In her colourful career Gretel has been a best selling author, film director, TV host, journalist, voice artist, doco maker, radio host, public speaker, social commentator and stand up comic. Next she is thinking of becoming a neuro surgeon but in the meantime Gretel is writing a play about the lies of love. You can visit Gretel’s website here and follow her on Twitter here.
What do you think of the fact that companies would prefer to hire childless men?
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It's very simple to answer. A company needs reliable people whom are dedicated to the job (often at the expense of their own life, including family life) and single men are usually the most likely to put in the time and not take big time out for kids (or so they assume). Stats show men work more hours at their place of employment and they're less likely to take time off for kids too so naturally these bosses prefer them. It can really upset the balance of a job if the person is high up and not easily replaceable and that person disappears for months/years because they had a child.
The business world is not family friendly, and before someone chimes in assuming men can have it all....no, they can't. Men are expected to work work work in these jobs to the point they miss out a lot of their family time and have huge stress from it. These types of jobs are not really for people who need to spend a lot time with their kids, and taking large breaks to raise the kids really messes things up AND that person falls behind in career progression.
Businesses would need to change bigtime to become family friendly, we would need more men taking the stay at home role or having a society do a major change to severely reduce the cost of living and have decent childcare + a family friendly workplace. The person that can put in the most time however will win and currently that's most likely to be a man...
I'd like to challenge some of your blanket assumptions:
1. A company needs reliable people.
Yes a company (or any other employer organisation) has a variety of needs - reliability is one, dedication to outcomes is another, loyalty is another, competency, experience, will to succeed, creative problem-solving ability, efficiency.....should I go on? To privilege reliability above all other qualities is a nonsense, and to say that reliability is somehow the privilege of single men is just wrong.
2. Stats show men work more hours at their place of employment.
Seeing as you have not backed this up with a reference I guess I have to believe you, but the key error of logic here is that hours at your desk equates to quality of output. It doesn't.
3. The business world is not family friendly.
Really? The whole business world? As in every single type of business that exists to work in? Including the ones run by people who (go figure) have families of their own and occasionally like to get home to eat dinner with them at night?
4. Businesses would need to change big time to become family friendly.
Ah, at last we semi-agree - in fact I kind of agree with most of your last paragraph. Here's why: I really think that business and employer organisations (and by extension our society) would be more successful in the long run if working parents were supported to do BOTH of their jobs - ie raise the next generation of Australians AND work in paid employment. Call me a cockeyed optimist.
Personally I feel like the multi-tasking revved up super-mum who can parent and do her job standing on her head makes me feel quite inadequate as a parent AND an employee. I just feel exhausted at the end of the day after juggling a million roles and having to keep not only my three kids and their childcare and schools happy (since nowadays you're expected to be at your kids school every five minutes) but also my bosses and clients at work. As does my husband who has to pull his weight more when I'm working. But I find usually I'm trying so hard to please everyone I just end up pleasing no-one. (I know, violins please)
To be honest I can understand why employers would prefer someone without my conflicting priorities who can make their job their main focus instead of someone like me. But maybe I’m just a spectacularly rare failure!?!? Basically I work because I have to and I often feel like having to compete with all those supermums in the workforce has taken away my choice NOT to work, since it's so hard to compete financially with two-income families. Just saying.
I do think it’s great to see men taking a more equal share of the parenting role during the early years – at least generally – but not all couples realistically want to work that way. With many couples (though not all) the woman still has a biological competitive edge in the nurturing dept due to the whole pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding thing and once she’s ahead, especially when the second and third children come along, it just makes sense for this partner to be the primary care-giver while the other specialises in their career and tries to maximise their income. Just saying.
I do think feminism still has a long way to go though. Not just where traditional men's roles are concerned, but when it comes to traditional 'women's work' like early childhood education it's pretty clear we just don't value this type of work since we pay them such rubbish wages. And we value the stay-at-home mother even less. I guess women have always done these jobs for free so why pay them, right?
Anna I think you sum this whole debate up quite perfectly..... ESP re the feelings of inadequacy..... It is impossible to have it all at the same time... Something HAS to give and it's usually the health, or the marriage...